


dRuNk

by bee7



Category: GOT7
Genre: (but not really???), Alternate Universe - College/University, Casual Sex, Falling In Love, Football | Soccer, Gen, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Misunderstandings, but just mentions of it, jock Im Jaebum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 05:29:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 39,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17135873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bee7/pseuds/bee7
Summary: “Hold me tighter will you?” And he does, he hugs Youngjae so tight to his chest the boy thinks he is going to break his ribs and that he won’t be able to breathe right ever again in his life. But Youngjae doesn’t care.Youngjae has never felt so warm and content before, Jaebum makes him feel weird but he also makes him feel like Youngjae can do anything he wants. Youngjae has never liked anyone, he doesn't want to admit it, he can't tell it to anyone but the way Jaebum is making him feel, as if his insides are melting as if there are butterflies all over his stomach… he never felt like that, he doesn't know what to make of it, he is scared yeah, but not enough to back off.





	dRuNk

**Author's Note:**

  * For [you guys](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=you+guys).



> \- Hello! It's not Chrtistmas yet I know buttt i wanted to give you a gift and I won't be able to do it when it's actually Christimas so... a little sooner :)  
> \- the ending of the year..... always a shitty time for me i used to read fics a lot so i wouldn't need to endure real life, i thought i might write something to someone who may be feeling like that as well so i wrote this  
> \- title is from ZAYN's dRuNk... i think this song deserves a better story but ,,, it's there lol  
> ANYWAYS ENJOY IT PLSSSS
> 
> (the cheating might bother some... it's not really cheating but I can't say more than that)

They’ve been at the library for almost forty minutes now, every time Youngjae starts to concentrate on this boring ass book he has to read for his child psychology class one of the girls will start talking about something stupid. He knows they are bored but he really needs to finish this before his class tomorrow morning and he knows that they need to study to something as well, they just don’t seem to be able to shut their mouths. 

“Who's the guy that keeps looking our way?” Momo whispers to them. Nayeon follows her girlfriend’s eyes and Youngjae turns so he can see what guy she was talking about as well. Then he lays eyes on him.

“Well, obviously is someone who’s trying to get their study done and he is probably looking because you two are being too noisy so better shut your mouth,” he thinks it will work, Momo seems offended that the guy would ever think they are noisy so she is quiet but it only lasts for about two minutes or so.

“No, it's not that. He keeps looking at me and Nayeon with a bitter face, but he is staring at you Youngjae, I don't know how can you not feel it, I can feel it.” 

The problem is that Youngjae does feel it, he feels it now and he feels it every time he crosses way with this dude, he feels it every Monday and every Friday at their shared class. He feels it just fine, he has just decided to ignore it completely, he doesn't know what is this dude problem but it's starting to annoy Youngjae, even if just because Momo noticed it too. 

“Oh, do you think he likes you, Jae? He is good looking, I'd approve that!” Nayeon is staring at the guy now, so is this how is going to be from now on he’ll stare and they’ll stare back at him? 

“Stop staring at him, you two!” Youngjae hisses at them, “he doesn't like me, he is straight and he has a girlfriend I see them around on campus a lot. He really just wants you two to shut up. We came here to study so please fucking study!” 

“Some grumpy rude ass needs to get laid…” Nayeon says in an overly annoying voice but she is smiling at him, teasing Youngjae thinks bitterly. They go back to their books after that. 

He can't concentrate though, he knows straight cute mean-looking guy is still looking at him, what the hell is his problem anyway? Youngjae knows he has a girlfriend because it's true he sees them a lot, way more than he would like if he’s being honest, the girl is always holding his hands and clinging to him, he even saw they kissing once Youngjae almost puked on them. The point is that Youngjae knows he is not interested in him like in a sexual way so he should just stop looking, maybe he is a homophobe and hates Youngjae's face? He has a heated look in his eyes when he looks at Youngjae so-- 

“I can't ignore it anymore, he is not even trying to pretend he isn't staring! Baby, I think we should kiss so he knows none of us is hooking up with Youngjae.” Nayeon looks like she is about to lean in and kiss the other girl when he stops them. 

“Fucking stop that, you two are not making out in a library, I already said he doesn't care about me. Stop that right now, Yeonnie!” 

It doesn't matter though they ignore his protests altogether, Momo just shoves her tongue right into Nayeon’s mouth, Youngjae has to hit his face on the table so he won't look at it and maybe it will be over soon. Nayeon is like a sister to him, he hates the things that he hears at their shared apartment he doesn't need to see it too. 

“Ha, called it!” Momo is gleefully clapping her hands together as if she just discovered the cure to some disease, cheeks flushed from their kiss probably. 

“Oh my god, Jae she was right! He doesn't look like he wants to kill us anymore. His face even got brighter… was he really jealous? Of you? Do you know him?” Nayeon wonders staring at straight cute mean-looking guy again.

“I'm always right, I'm just not well appreciated by you guys.” Momo pouts like a small child, “anyways, are you sure he is straight, Youngjae? He doesn't look straight to me, he looks very, very gay, he seems to be gayer than us. I can talk to him if you want me to.” Just like that Momo tries to get up, Youngjae almost has a heart attack trying to stop her. 

“No! Don't do that!” His voice is way louder than it should be, they are at the library for god’s sake they are supposed to be quiet here and now straight cute mean-looking guy is looking right at the commotion as if he has a right too. “Are you out of your mind? Even if he is not straight, which he is, he has a girlfriend I already told you that and looks very, very straight, I'm not interested, he is not my type.”

Both of them narrow their eyes at him, Nayeon laughs loudly, they are lucky that they are the only ones at this floor or someone would have scolded them already, the librarian was the one who should do it but she lets them be noisy all they want, not bothering to do her job. “He is not your type? First things first he is everyone who likes men type don't lie to yourself, honey, he looks like he walked out from a gay novel and I know that you think so too. And in second place, he is your type and you like him.” 

“I don't like him! What the fuck, Yeonnie? I don't fucking know him,” he says exasperated, they won't let go of this, he knows they won't they’re so annoying both of them are. 

“But you do! You blush when you talk about him and you never blush! I know when you like a guy you get all grumpy just like you are right now, you don't have to lie to us, we’re your friends! I’m your best friend in the entire world, Choi Youngjae!” And now she looks offended that Youngjae would hide something from her, he doesn't deserve this, he just doesn't. 

“Yeonnie, maybe I'm blushing because you two keep talking about the guy that is right next to us and he probably can hear it all, so I'm fucking embarrassed which is normal. And of course I'm grumpy you won't let this go and we came here to study.” 

“We will let it go, you grumpy… for now anyway. I do have to study I have an anatomy quiz tomorrow and I can't go bad on it.” After that Nayeon is back helping her girlfriend with her studying, she is making flashcards and it's sweet, Youngjae loves these two lovebirds even if they are annoying and eat all of his lamen and make him think about stuff he doesn’t want to think about.

He forgets completely about SCMLG, short for cute straight librarian dude, it's way too long for Youngjae to keep referring to him like that in his head,  but when they are packing their stuff he feels eyes in the back of his neck again, he was going to ignore it as usual but when he realizes it he is already looking behind himself. 

When Youngjae locks eyes with SCMLG he forgets how to breathe altogether, he never looks at him, well not directly, Youngjae doesn't want to acknowledge the fact that the guy it's not only cute but it's also hot as hell, Nayeon was right he is everyone's type and that's exactly why Youngjae doesn't like looking at him, he knows what he will find there and he doesn't want to see it, it's fucking frustrating to look at someone this handsome and know that he will never be able to have him. 

They have never talked to each other, Youngjae doesn't even know how his voice sounds like, and yet Youngjae is sure that SCMLG is leading him on somehow. Come on why else would he stare at Youngjae at every opportunity he gets like he wants to devour Youngjae? The boy tries to ignore it the best he can but it’s hard, he’s only human and this guy is just out of this world. 

Their eyes are locked and Youngjae wants to look away, this is making him hot, too hot, but SCMLG should be the one looking away, he should be embarrassed that he was caught staring yet he doesn't, he keeps staring, he is blushing and he seems to want to look down but tries hard to keep their stare game. This boy must be on something.

“Come on, hurry up, Jae. I want to order some pizza, I'll order like ten pizzas! I'm so hungry!” Nayeon whines dropping her whole body over Youngjae’s one.

Youngjae has to break the staring contest before one of the girls realize what he is doing and then he’ll never hear the end of it. “You can't eat more than three slices what would you do with ten pizzas? Eat it through the entire semester?” His best friend just glares at him at the remark. 

Before they can make it to the exit he looks back at SCMLG and smirks at him, the other boy blushes so hard Youngjae feels smug about it, only a smirk and he’s blushing like this? If he wants to play then Youngjae will play, it would be rude to leave him hanging anyways.

They go back to their apartment, well Youngjae and Nayeon’s since Momo doesn’t live with them but she is always here so it’s almost as if she does. They didn’t order ten pizzas, but they ordered three, one to which of them so they don’t have to share with each other. They are watching ‘My girl’, Nayeon wanted to watch it and the other two would do anything for her because she’s too annoying to say ‘no’ too even if she thinks the reason it’s because she’s cute. They have watched this damn movie for thousands of time, Youngjae thinks he’s been watching it since he was six years old. 

He doesn’t understand why she likes it so much, a kid dies on it, it’s morbid. It’s funny though, he remembers when he was a kid and Nayeon would say that they were just like Vada and Thomas because Youngjae was her only friend and stuff like that, the thing is that she thought that they should kiss each other and also that Youngjae needed to die too, she was such a weird kid, Youngjae loves her. 

“I can’t stop thinking about the dude from the library…” Momo says twenty minutes into the movie, she is bored Youngjae knows that that’s why she is starting with this, fuck his life. 

“You say that you can’t stop thinking about a dude right at your girlfriend’s face? How modern of you two, I’m impressed, truly.” He is trying to distract her but he knows it won’t work and so it doesn’t, Momo looks at him like he is the dumbest person she has ever met in her life. Nayeon is not even paying attention to them, she really likes the weird movie too much. 

“I mean you said he is straight and that he has a girlfriend, but then why won’t he stop looking at you? What’s his deal? What if he is a creep who wants to kidnap you, Youngjae?” She has Nayeon’s head on her lap and she is playing with the other girl’s hair while she looks at Youngjae with a worried face, neither of them wants to watch the movie so he guesses he will let her talk, let her entertain him. 

“You know he doesn’t want to kidnap me, Momo. Please next theory, a better one,” at that Momo’s eyes shine so bright, she looks like a little kid, she loves playing detective and he’s just giving her the perfect opportunity to do so. 

“Hummmm... what if he thinks you look like you have a nice pair of kidneys and works with an organ trafficking gang so he wants to sell them out?” 

“Okay, this one is just a variation of the kidnapping one and it’s not even good, you can do better than that, come on give me your best shot, Hirai Momo, hit me with it,” he looks at her expectantly, her thinking face so cute she’s really taking it seriously. 

“What if he wants to know what shampoo you use? What if he wants to know your secrets to have such a beautiful and long black hair? Maybe he can’t stop looking at it because it’s too shiny, too distracting” she says smiling proudly at her theory. 

“Ah, do you think he wants to know my secrets?” Youngjae runs this finger through his hair letting it fall down back over his eyes and gives her a look he would give a boy he wants to bang. She laughs loudly, Nayeon shushes them looking annoyed. “Try again, he has good hair too, so probably not that.” 

“Huh, so you’ve been looking at his hair then?” Youngjae makes a face at her, this is not the point of their game and she knows that. “Okay, sorry. Oh! I think I know, I have him all figured out now! He thinks your lips are too chapped and want to give you a lip balm but it’s too shy to approach,” she is laughing so loudly at her joke it’s pathetic, mostly because it’s not funny and because she has a lot of pizza in her mouth. 

“My lips are not chapped!” But they can be sometimes and he knows it. He throws a cushion at her but it ends up hitting Nayeon right in the face, Momo laughs even harder. 

“Ah! You two stop that! You are so loud I’m trying to watch a movie here, stop being noisy,” Nayeon sounds pretty angry, she even pauses the movie to glare at them because apparently, she can’t miss a second of it. 

“Sorry baby, but me and Youngjae are trying to find out why that guy at library won’t stop looking at him. I just figured that he wants to give Youngjae a lip balm for his chapped lips,” Youngjae rolls his eyes it wasn’t funny the first time and it’s not funny this time around either, except that Nayeon does laugh a little, maybe it’s just to amuse her girlfriend. 

“This is a dumb thing to be talking so loudly about while we are watching such a good movie, we all know why he can’t take his eye off of Jae and it’s because he wants my little otter to fuck him hard and good,” Youngjae and Momo both gasp at her, probably for different reasons. 

“He does not-” 

“How do you know he wants Youngjae to do the fucking?” Momo asks at the same time that Youngjae tries to tell them once again that SCMLG has a girlfriend. 

“None of you pay attention that’s the problem, he might top too but look at him definitely a bottom!” She looks back at the TV ready to press play, but Youngjae isn’t done. 

“You can’t possibly know that, Nayeonnie! He is straight!” He doesn’t know why he is trying so hard to prove to his friends that SCMLG doesn’t like boys, maybe he wants to convince himself he can’t even imagine the possibility that maybe, just maybe he does like boys and the being with him is a possibility, a real one. 

“You gotta be kidding me, Youngjae. What do you have two eyes for? That dude is gay and he wants you to fuck him, stop pretending you can’t see it because I’m your best friend and I know that you can see it just fine, if he will get what he wants I don’t know because you’re being difficult but I also don’t care right now I just want to watch my movie.” She looks even more annoyed now. Before she can resume to the TV Momo is talking again, she doesn’t seem to be taken aback by her girlfriend’s annoyance with them. 

“You should care though, what if this is the chance of our little Youngjae finding the love of his life? I want him to be happy like we are, he should find a nice boy and that boy is handsome, I don’t think Youngjae can find one better looking than him,” Momo is so serious as if SCMLG might really be the love of Youngjae’s life, which he is not. 

“Our little Youngjae? That sounds so weird and you should know better than call me that, also my dear Momo thanks but don’t worry about me I don’t need to find a boy, I’m happy being single.” 

“See? He’s happy being single, lonely, whatever, nothing to talk about anymore, let’s watch the movie, now be quiet!” Momo wants to protest, Youngjae knows she wants he can see it on her face but she doesn’t get a chance, serves her right for talking about his lips. 

She really shouldn’t worry about him though, he is happy being single, he doesn’t do relationships well he has never done one yet and he thinks he is fine like that. He also doesn’t think SCMLG is the love of his life, actually, he is sure that he is not. Even though Youngjae knows nothing about the boy he knows they aren’t compatible, it just doesn’t hit off. 

That night Youngjae dreams that straight cute mean-looking guy gives him his own lip balm and then kisses him passionately and it’s weird because it tastes just like the pizza they ordered.

  
  


*

  
  


“Jackson, I don’t want to go to no party stop annoying me with it, I don’t want to go and I won’t, I have a lot of stuff to do.” Youngjae is trying to walk but Jackson is a weight at his side, he has his arm around Youngjae’s shoulders and it’s heavy, “get off of me,”

“You’re so rude to me! I’m your best friend!” The older boy whines indignantly. 

“No you are not, Nayeon is.” Jackson looks even more betrayed at that, he is such a drama queen but he is being especially difficult today. They just had a class together and now they are walking to a coffee shop, Jackson needs his organic green tea. 

“Yeah, maybe, but I’m next in line, I’m your other best friend. The point here though is that you have to go to this party with me. You don’t understand it-” they get into the coffee shop and it’s so warm inside, so peaceful Youngjae wishes Jackson would feel it too and just stop talking so they can enjoy the silence. 

“You are the one who doesn’t understand, I’m not going to a frat party, Jackson. I don’t like this kind of stuff, I don’t like the people in these parties, you go and you have fun, what about it?” 

They take their orders and sit at a table at the end of the shop. “No, listen to me Youngjae, I know all that, but… Mark will be there, actually, it will be at his house, I forgot to tell you that he is part of a fraternity,” 

“Wow, I wonder why you forgot telling me that,” Youngjae isn’t pleased with it, Jackson has been crushing on this Mark dude for months now, it was funny at first then it wasn’t news anymore and now it got old, just so old Youngjae can’t stand even hearing Mark’s name anymore, he is done with this drama. 

“Because it’s not that important, not every person who is part of a fraternity is a douchebag, you need to stop acting like that,” Youngjae rolls his eyes at that, he is sure that Mark is a douche, “the important part is that I need you there, I need you to cheer me up, come on I want to confess to him, that’s my chance I need you there to tell me everything is going to be fine.” 

“Jackson are you serious right now? You gonna tell someone you like them at a frat party? Also, you don’t need me to cheer you up you do it to yourself all the time,” 

“You know nothing about frat parties, it’s my perfect chance if he is into me we can fuck right there, it’s functional,” Youngjae’s face distorts in disgust, he is not against hookups he does one-night stand too but he can’t imagine that the idea of fucking a boy you like at a party like that would be appealing to anyone, but it seems to be to Jackson he won’t judge him. The thing is: Jackson doesn’t know anything about frat parties either. “Please Youngjae, please I don’t know what to promise to you because my head is full with the possibilities for tonight but I will owe you, you can ask me anything you want later.” He pinky promises. 

Huh, that seems interesting to Youngjae, he can ask Jackson to do his laundry for a month or two, he will think about that later, “okay, I will go, but Momo and Nayeon will be going too and we’ll leave, at least I will, as soon as you talk to this Mark.” 

“Oh my god, thank you Youngjae you are the best of the bests besties in the world,” he says kissing harshly at Youngjae’s cheek, “that’s why I and Nayeon keep fighting over you, you just so perfect!” Jackson is so happy Youngjae can’t help smiling back at him, but he can feel the dread inside himself already regretting have agreed to go to this party. 

So later they get to the party the four of them, they are walking together like a group of cold penguins, this is a new scenery for all of them. Jackson parties a lot more than any of the other three, but they all go mostly to gay clubs, this right here looks nothing like a gay club, actually it looks like the opposite of it, it’s like a heteros-only party, the place full of jocks and blonde girls.

“There are a lot of girls here,” Momo comments, and yeah a lot of girls like a lot of them. 

“Momo and I will get us something to drink,” Youngjae wants to say that he will too but she tells him that they will bring something to him and Jackson so he can stay right here with the Chinese boy. How considerate of her, he thinks bitterly. 

The two of them are eyeing the people dancing and making out at the center of the living room when someone approaches them, “Jackson! I’m so happy to see you here,” a beautiful, really beautiful black haired guy says and he proceeds to hug Jackson. He holds Jackson very tightly against his body and Youngjae thinks his work here is done, he and the girls will be able to leave as soon as they get back. 

“Mark! You look amazing just so, so good!” Wow smooth, Youngjae can’t help smiling at his best friend, he is so cute too. “This is my best friend, my brother from another mother, Choi Youngjae!” 

The boy looks at him shyly, he’s way more shy than Youngjae could have expected, still, Youngjae isn’t sure if he can trust him. “It’s nice… hum its nice meeting you, Jackson talks a lot about you. I’m Mark Tuan,” Mark extends his hands to Youngjae his smile friendly even if small. 

Youngjae shakes his hand reluctantly so, he doesn’t trust frat boys, it’s just not in his veins. “That’s funny, I don’t remember Jackson mentioning you at all,” he says with a plain expression on his face. 

Jackson looks at him with widened eyes as if he wants to kill Youngjae for being rude to the boy he likes or whatever, but Marks doesn’t look too discouraged, as much as it takes him back at first it’s like he can read Youngjae, know what he’s doing. “Are you enjoying the party?” The question is directed to both of them but Youngjae answers before Jackson can even open his mouth. 

“We just got here, seems to be too packed though...” 

“Well, yeah, it’s a frat party, Youngjae. Excuse him, Mark, he doesn’t go out much he must have forgotten how parties work. It needs people--”

“Oh since we are introducing people--” Mark stops him and suddenly he is pulling someone by the arm, “This is my best friend, Im Jaebum. Jaebum this is Jackson from my French literature class, I talked to you about him a lot. And this is his best friend Youngjae.” Jaebum is smiling looking at Jackson till he looks over at Youngjae and then he freezes, Youngjae does too. 

Right here in front of him is straight cute mean-looking guy and he seems to be Mark’s best friend, how is that even possible? It also seems like he has a name and it’s Jaebum, not SCMLG which sounds wrong for Youngjae. None of them say anything, but Jackson is all happy shaking Jaebum’s hand and being all chatty with him, Jaebum hasn’t said a word yet.

“Are you alright?” Mark asks worriedly and it seems to wake Jaebum up to what is happening here. 

“Oh, sorry I got distracted… I think I have drunk too much already. It’s nice to meet you, Jackson, Mark’s words don’t make you justice, you are way more handsome than I could imagine,” he makes both Mark and Jackson blush. “Nice meeting you too, best friend Youngjae,” he has a smirk on his face but he has gone pale since he laid eyes on Youngjae, huh. They shake hands and his hand is just so soft, nothing like Youngjae imagined them. 

“I didn’t know you liked frat parties,” Youngjae says more to himself but everyone hears it, he wants the floor to swallow him alive. 

“Oh, you know each other?” Mark wonders and Jackson seems interested too, straight cute-- Jaebum seems amused and he stays silent waiting for Youngjae to come up with a reply. 

“What-- No, no, we don’t-- we don’t know each other, but huh at the library-- he--” 

Jackson seems like he will make a joke about Youngjae being a nerd who’s also at the library he knows he will because he always does, but then Momo and Nayeon are back with four red cups full of beer. They are trying not to let any of the liquid drop, when Momo looks up and the moment she sees Jaebum her eyes almost fall out of her face. 

“You--” 

“Girls, why took you so long? Those are Jackson’s friends Mark and Jaebum. Guys those are Momo and Nayeon,” Youngjae introduces them, he talks so fast he never talks that fast but he had to stop Momo, he is sure she would say something embarrassing and it would be the end of his entire life. 

They all greet each other and are making small talk, Youngjae counting down the seconds so he’ll be able to leave without being too rude. Momo leans up next to his ear so she can whisper to him, “that’s him,” he looks down at her tiny face trying to express with his own face that he knows because he is not an idiot. “That’s our chance to figure out if he wants to sell your kidneys or fuck you.” 

Youngjae chokes on his beer as soon as he hears it, he can’t believe her, he can’t believe any of this is happening to him. Mark says he has to check on the beer kegs and asks Jackson if he can help him with it. It’s obviously an excuse to get him alone, Youngjae is grateful Jackson will leave with him and they will be able to go home soon. 

“Sure let me just say something to Youngjae real fast,” he says and Youngjae gets it, they go to a corner even though they wouldn’t need to because it’s so loud here no one would be able to listen to them anyways. “Wish me luck, it’s now or never.” 

Youngjae doesn’t like Mark, even if he doesn’t have a real reason to it the thing is that he doesn’t like anyone who lives in a frat house but this seems to be important to Jackson and he wants his best friend to be happy, that’s exactly why he is here for anyway. “It will be alright. Mark is an eight, you are a ten! He should be begging you to give even two seconds of your time to him. A guy like you being into him is probably the best thing to ever happen to him. You can do it! And remember you’re Jackson Wang you can do anything.” He tries to cheer his best friend. 

It’s so funny just what few words can do to Jackson, he looks like he just drank a lot of red bull and has the power to destroy the world and he will, “damn right, I’m Jackson Wang and I will make of Mark Tuan my bitch! God no, not like that,” Youngjae laughs his loudest laugh between their whispers. They go back to their group, Mark eyeing Jackson expectantly, then Jackson smiles at him and they look like idiots in love. 

“Where are my friends?” Youngjae asks after Jackson and Mark leave realizing he is alone with Jaebum, which is the last things he wants at the moment. 

“Momo needed to go to the bathroom… please huh, hear me I-” Jaebum is looking at him like he is scared of what Youngjae might say to him, it’s ridiculous they don’t know each other, Youngjae has nothing to say to him. But then just then, there’s a blonde girl hugging Jaebum’s side. 

“Jaebum, I’ve been looking for you for hours! What are you doing down here? It’s not good that you keep leaving me all alone,” Jaebum doesn’t take his eyes away from Youngjae but he looks disappointed that the girl found him. Is he scared that Youngjae will tell his girlfriend that he is always staring at him? Youngjae wouldn’t do that. She seems to realize that her boyfriend is looking at someone else and looks at Youngjae too. “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t see you there. Are you one of Jaebum’s friend? I’m Angela, his girlfriend.” 

Jaebum seems even more pained, did he not want Youngjae to know that he has a girlfriend? It’s that what’s going on here? As if Youngjae hasn’t known about it for the longest time. “Pleased to meet you, I’m Youngjae. I’m sorry Angela but I was already leaving I have to look for my friends,” he takes two steps and then Jaebum is holding his arm, Youngjae stares at it as if Jaebum is crazy because he might as well be why the hell is he holding onto Youngjae like that? Jaebum seeing his reaction let go of his arm but doesn’t step back.

“You don’t have to leave, you can stay here and hang out with us,” he looks hopeful, does he really thinks that Youngjae will stay here and hang out with him and his girlfriend? This gotta be a prank, someone is pranking him right now, he bets this is all Nayeon doing. Angela looks like she doesn’t care, she seems a bit too drunk, her makeup is a little melted and she looks tired too. 

“Well, thank you, Jaebum. But I would rather look for my friends so we can leave. It was nice meeting the both of you, see you around,” and then he leaves, he doesn’t look back because he just doesn’t care, he can feel Jaebum’s eyes on him while he goes upstairs. It’s just Youngjae look that he can’t find Nayeon and Momo anywhere, he goes back downstairs getting himself another beer. It doesn’t take too look for Youngjae to be drinking way more than he planned on and dancing with people he never saw before, it’s been a long time since he partied, he needs something to relax and he’s already here, so be it.

At some point, Youngjae feels eyes on the back of his head and for his surprise, the boy is starting to get used to it, before he can look behind himself he already knows exactly just who can’t take their eyes off him. Youngjae sways his hips to a terrible song he hopes he never has to hear ever again while he takes a shot of something he has no idea what is nor does he care. He feels something growing hot inside himself, as if he could do anything he wants, nothing stopping him, he looks right at Jaebum and he was right the other boy is exactly where he told he would be, Youngjae smirks victoriously eyes locking with Jaebum’s.

The other boy has his arms around his girlfriend who tries to dance with him but he isn’t moving at all, the thought that he can’t concentrate on anything else making Youngjae feel powerful, he doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into, he was so sure that Jaebum wouldn’t want anything with him that his friends were wrong, that he was just a straight boy with a girlfriend and nothing else. But really he can’t lie to himself anymore, he wants Jaebum and maybe the way the other boy’s eyes follow his tongue while he wets his lips shows him that Jaebum as well.

Jaebum lets go of Angela, he tells her something that obviously Youngjae can’t hear, he walks straight to Youngjae stopping not too far from the younger boy but not too close either, he can feel the alcohol exhaling from him mixing up with his perfume, it shouldn’t be attractive like that but somehow it is. “Come with me,” he demands, in any other situation Youngjae would scoff at him, but he sounds so much more confident than before he can’t really deny him.

Youngjae just nods his head, that seems to be everything Jaebum needs, he holds onto Youngjae’s arm pulling him while he walks to the kitchen, not exactly what he was expecting at least not till Jaebum is opening a door and shoving Youngjae inside. The room is small, too small to be comfortable in, dark too, the boy almost panics but then, just then, Jaebum is all over him pressing their bodies together, Youngjae’s eyes start to adjust to the darkness, he is able to see where they are, a kind of storeroom that isn't too packed but some boxes still fall to the floor when Jaebum pushes him against the shelves.

“What are you doing?” Youngjae wants to tell him to be nicer, to not just shove him against shelves but he doesn’t find it on him to care, not enough anyway.

“What are you doing? What are you doing here, Youngjae? Why are you doing this to me?” But Youngjae isn’t doing anything, he has no idea what Jaebum is talking about, he’s about to protest but the way Jaebum is looking at him, his soft hands holding his face while his fingers trace Youngjae’s features, the action so contrasting to the way his body is behaving since they got into the room, it’s endearing, it’s inviting, just so inviting. Youngjae can’t think about what he’s doing, his urges taking over his body.

He pulls Jaebum in hand at the back of his head, their mouths crashing together in a loud kiss, it doesn’t start slow at all, as soon as their lips touch Jaebum concedes all the access Youngjae needs. He’s sucking at Jaebum’s tongue, biting at his pink limps with no mercy, making the older boy moan into his mouth begging for him to continue, his so pliant under Youngjae not fighting for dominance at all, so he keeps on taking and taking, kissing him till they are completely breathlessly. All the alcohol makes Youngjae clumsy but he still can turn them around so Jaebum is the one being shoved into the shelves, he doesn’t seem against the idea, putting his one of his thighs around Youngjae’s waist as if it belongs there.

“Is that-- is that what you want?” Youngjae still has it on him to ask, the answer is clear but he has to know, has to hear it.

“Please,” it’s Jaebum says back, his fingers are hot, too hot under Youngjae’s shirt, he’s trying to take it off so desperately as if he doesn’t need anything else right now, just touch Youngjae’s body. So the boy puts a little space between them, as much as he can with Jaebum’s body hanging on his, just enough for him to be able to take off his shirt and unbutton Jaebum’s one.

Even though it’s dark in the room he’s still able to see Jaebum’s abs, so well defined it’s almost everything he can see but then he looks at his broad shoulders and Youngjae almost loses it, he has to kiss them, they are so large, so perfect. He kisses and bites at it, sucking till he leaves a big mark there, Jaebum doesn’t complain instead he’s moaning bumping his groin against Youngjae’s right leg looking for a friction that he can’t find not with the way Youngjae holds him in place with one of his hands, the other one busy playing with his nipples. Jaebum is whimpering, a mess of begs and moans under the other boy, it’s almost impossible to make out what he says, tears rolling down his face, desperation written over all of it. He’s the most beautiful creature Youngjae has ever seen, he has to kiss him again, so he goes back up adjusting the hold he has on Jaebum so their groins can slide together, he swallows the moan that Jaebum lets out, biting at his lips with so much desire he’s pretty sure it will be sore for the next days.

“The things I want to do with you, Jaebum…” but he ain’t listening to him, Youngjae is pretty sure he isn’t, so he just proceeds to unzip his jeans, they aren’t too tight which Youngjae can appreciate. “I want you to let go. Can you do that for me, Jaebum?” He stops all his movements till Jaebum is so desperate for his touches that he has to answer to him. 

“Yeah. Yeah, no… no holding back, promise,” he whispers, it’s almost cute Youngjae’s brain supplies unhelpful, he shuts down the thought, proceeding to bite at Jaebum’s earlobe, he moans again, louder this time just the way Youngjae wanted him too. “I need--- enough teasing, please. I’ll be good, please just,” 

He doesn’t need to say anything else Youngjae keeps on kissing at his necks and shoulders but lets one of his hands inside Jaebum’s underwear, making contact with his hot throbbing erection. Jaebum cries out, dick pulsing on Youngjae’s hand, it’s too much, he can’t tease him anymore because he himself feels like he’s going to lose it at any moment. Youngjae feels the entire shaft in his hands, spreading some of the precum that is pooling at the tip.

Without much grace he shoves his own underwear down using just one of his hands, then he shoves Jaebum’s down all the way to his knees, he’s the only one doing any work here, he can’t even complain though, the way Jaebum seems to be gone is good enough for him.

His hands at Youngjae’s shoulders but his body is tensed all over, sweaty hair glued to his forehead, ready to accept anything Youngjae gives him, he didn’t know that was possible but it turns Youngjae on even more than before. They don’t have any lube so he lets go of his own dick in order to spit on his hand when he thinks it’s good enough Youngjae holds both their lengths on his hand the other one deliberately drawing circles over Jaebum’s pelvis. Youngjae starts jerking them together slowly, the process isn’t too simple, he has two dicks on his hand and the slide of them together it’s too good, too distracting, Jaebum’s loud moans only adding to his need to come.

“I need you--” but he can’t form proper sentences right now, so Youngae takes one of Jaebum’s hand and closes it with his hands, their fingers laced together while they jerk themselves together, the pressure too good because of the other boy hold tight, they speed up almost losing their pace, but Youngjae doesn’t care, the warmth at the room is becoming too much, he’s sweating and Jaebum is licking it off his throat, he needs to cum more than anything he ever needed in his life, needs to make Jaebum cum, make him feel good.

Jaebum is close now, he’s biting at Youngjae’s throat, his free hand holding onto his shoulder so tight it’s painful, so the younger boy forgets all about his own dick focusing only on Jaebum’s, jerking him as good as he can, circling the tip with his thumb, he would blow him if they weren’t so desperate he would just take Jaebum on his mouth and torture him but all he does is tighten his grip jerk him harder bending his hand just in the right way, it doesn’t take long for Jaebum to be spilling all over himself, Youngjae doesn’t stop his movements he takes as much as he can from the other boy till Jaebum’s face is contorting, he lets go just to attack his lips attention going back to his own shaft. The slide is even better now, maybe too sloppy but he doesn’t mind, he keeps jerking himself till the heat at his lower stomach becomes too much and he’s also covering Jaebum on cum, Jaebum moans his name and it shouldn’t make his dick switch that way, yet it does.

Youngjae is still trying to get his breathing under control after one of the best orgasms he has ever had in his life when Jaebum lightly pushes him away, as good at it was he looks distressed, the younger boy almost can’t understand what it happening till a ton of thoughts invade his head all at once, he almost feels like throwing up, God what the hell did he do? “You should go?” It wasn’t supposed to come out as a question, he wasn’t supposed to feel so vulnerable either. 

“I-- yeah,” that’s all Jaebum says back, they don’t have anything to clean Jaebum’s stomach with, the boy curses under his breath saying something about letting it go dry on him, he dresses, they weren’t exactly naked but not presentable either. All Youngjae does is watch him, not bothering with his clothes, not yet anyway, Jaebum leans in before he opens the door, as if he’s about to kiss Youngjae one last time but the boy just turns his face.

“You should go.” He says again this time it sounds like an order not like a question. And just like that Jaebum leaves the room, the clarity invading the small space just for a fraction of second. Youngjae stays there for a while, he tries sobering up, disgusted with himself, he just hooked up with a guy who’s dating someone else, he hooked up at a storage room in a frat house, at a frat party.

When he leaves the room the party is still going as if never happened, he’s legs are jelly and all he wants is to lay down. There’s a text from Nayeon on his phone asking where he is, then another one telling him where to find them, outside stargazing. Yeah, that’s what he should be doing as well, he walks out finding them pretty quickly, they try to engage in conversation with him, talk about why he looks devilish and wasn’t him the one who wanted to go home sooner? He doesn’t pay them much attention, his brain filled with Jaebum images, the way he looked at Youngjae, the way his body seems to fit perfectly with Youngjae’s on, then the way he could see regret on his face as soon as they were done. He throws up as soon as they get home. 

Next morning Youngjae is the only one with a hangover, he tries to play it down as much as he can, Nayeon is just too annoying, she always tries to make it even worse for him. They eat in silence, Youngjae analyzing if he can go back to sleep after breakfast or if he has to work on his homework. The silence doesn’t last much though.

“I don’t think I like that Jaebum guy,” Momo says after a while, Youngjae knows everyone wanted to talk about him but they were all pretending that they didn’t. “He does look at you like he is into you, but I don’t know… there is something… maybe it’s because he has a girlfriend. I don’t like guys that date someone and flirt with other people.” She concludes.

“He doesn’t flirt with me, Momo. It’s alright,” he lies trying to reassure her, they did more than flirt anyway. Maybe knowing that would make Momo not liking him too he thinks. The whole thing makes Youngjae feel a weird sting in his chest.

Nayeon seems to know that without him having to say anything, she pats his thigh lightly, “he seems like a good guy, but… I don't want you to get hurt, Jae.” She lies her head on his shoulder, “maybe he needs someone to help him figure things out but it can be someone else, you don't have to go through this.” 

“Guys, I think you're seeing too much into this, he is just a boy who for some reason I keep seeing all around. Also, you are not a fortune teller, Yeonnie, you don't know what he does or doesn't need, we know nothing about him. Please let it go.” He is so tired, hangover and maybe a little hurt, he is happy for Jackson but he didn't want to be at that party in the first place. He feels so weird he doesn't want to talk about Jaebum anymore he wants to forget that they met and he doesn't to ever go to the class they share ever again. 

The staying at home thing doesn’t exactly go as planned, there’s just too much he can do, he skips class once but then when he really has to go Jaebum is the one who isn’t there, that’s good he thinks to himself, even if he feels a bit weird not being able to look at anywhere but at his empty chair. Apart from going to class, all Youngjae has been doing lately is staying in his room playing games on his computer, no matter how much Nayeon says that he’s probably ignoring his problems, he doesn’t have anything even to run from.

Jackson is even harder than Nayeon to say no too, again because he’s also too annoying and won’t take ‘no’ for answer, that’s why almost two weeks after the stupid party he’s meeting up with Jackson at a fancy bakery the other boy likes a lot, they almost never come here since it's too expensive for them but sometimes Jackson needs his luxuries. Youngjae asked for a large chocolate milkshake, he doesn't have a sweet tooth so while Jackson is eating a bunch of different sweets he is sipping slowly at his milkshake. 

Jackson talks nonstop about Mark, so they ended up hooking up at the party, what a surprise as if it wasn’t obvious for Youngjae. And Mark took Jackson on a date just two days ago, they seem to be hitting it off and Jackson is super happy with it so Youngjae is too even if he has insecurities he doesn’t want to ruin things for his best friend. 

“He is such a nice guy, you need to get to know him better since you’re my best friend, you will like him-- Mark!” In a second Jackson is getting up from his chair and walking to the door without saying anything to Youngjae, standing there is Mark and for Youngjae's misery Jaebum is with him, there's also another boy, another brunette boy that exhales richness. The three of them look like rich assholes who come have brunch at fancy bakeries. Youngjae doesn’t believe for even a second that Jackson didn’t plan this out, he’s going to kill his no-longer best friend. 

Jackson talks to them for two or so minutes and then he is walking back to their table telling Youngjae that they will order and then sit with them, he doesn't even ask Youngjae if he has a problem with that, which he does, he thinks about leaving Jackson here with them but that would be too rude, would probably hurt Jackson’s feelings.

A few minutes later the three boys walk to their table with big smiles on their faces, well two of them are smiling, Jaebum looks pale and he is trying to force a smile but it's not succeeding. The other boy is called Jinyoung and it's the other best friend, Jackson is amazed that Mark has two best friends it's just like Youngjae, he has me and Nayeon, she's obviously his favorite, who is your favorite, Markie? Jaebum interrupts them saying that Jinyoung is his best friend and he is the one with two best friends here. 

He isn’t cute, he’s ridiculous. Youngjae doesn't care for their conversation, he doesn't care for Jaebum's friends, he can have zero friends for all he cares about. He didn't say a word to them, he greeted them and that was the end of it. Jackson didn't seem to realize, he is too focused on Mark to look at anyone else, in any other situation he would be worried by Youngjae's quietness but now he is too busy to notice anything. 

“You don't have to ignore me, y'know?” Jaebum says right at his ears, and just what the fuck, he sat at Youngjae's side but he wasn't this close to him just two seconds ago, he shouldn’t be this close to him ever. 

“I’m not, I just don't think you and I have anything to talk to you.” Youngjae tries not to draw any attention to them, he doesn’t need Jackson thinking he’s friends with Jaebum or anything like that.

“Oh, so you don't have a problem with me then? That's good because I need a partner--” Youngjae chokes on his milkshake, drawing the attention of everyone on the table, he curses under his breath.

“I'm fine, don't mind me. Sorry,” Jackson looks at him worriedly but them he is back talking animatedly to Mark and Jinyoung, eyes shining once again. 

“Like I was saying, I need a partner for the advertising and journalism project, we are taking the class together… are you working with someone already?” Jaebum continues. 

And it’s just Youngjae’s luck, isn’t it? No, he isn’t because he doesn't know anyone in that shitty class, a class that he hates and that he shouldn't have taken. It's an important project 60% of his grade depends on it, he needs to start working on it if he wants to pass this class, but he won’t do it with Jaebum, not after what happened at the party. 

“Yes, I am. Sorry, find someone else.” He thinks it will be the end of it, but it isn’t. 

“I actually don’t think you’re working with anyone,” at Youngjae’s confused face he continues, “I asked around… you know you can’t do it by yourself, right? You need a partner, it would be better with we worked on it together, you don’t want to fail this class, do you?” Jaebum looks over at Jackson as if daring Youngjae to say no again if his friend hears them he would obviously want to know why Youngjae doesn’t want to work with Jaebum. That’s what he thinks before agreeing even if it sounds terrible like a weak excuse even to his ears. 

“Okay,” Youngjae groans, mood completely ruined by Jaebum’s arrival, “then give me your number so we can talk about it later.” He hands Jaebum his phone, Jaebum looks astonished that Youngjae really agreed to it without much fight. He should have put a bigger fight, he doesn’t have it on him to do it now though. 

He and Jaebum talk a little about the ideas they have for the project but everything is shitty and as it turns out they have no ideas and that they are screwed. They agree that they really have to start working on it and that they should meet up soon, the idea of it making Youngjae sick but he can pretend well. Then they don't talk about anything else, Youngjae is back at being quiet and Jaebum talks to the other boys. It's all fine, Youngjae thinks the others boys aren't so bad, but they still rich frat boys so he will watch them from afar.

When he gets home Nayeon is on the couch watching some Mexican novela she likes, she has the subtitles on cause she can't understand Spanish but she likes hearing their actual voices, she likes how they sound. Youngjae drops his bag at the floor and sits on the couch with her putting her feet on his lap.

“Why isn't Momo in here?” He asks distractedly’ not really caring about the answer. 

“She doesn't live here you shouldn't sound so surprised when she isn't around,” Youngjae is not impressed she’s always here, “she needed to go grocery shopping but she will be coming over later, she will bring us ice cream.”

He hums looking at the TV, the novela seems good he wants to watch it too, they are immersed on it and watch it in silence till the episode ends. “So, what's wrong with you?” Nayeon asks finally looking up at her friend. 

“There is nothing wrong with me,” there isn't he doesn't know why she is asking but she doesn't seem convinced, she just keeps looking at him waiting for him to say something. So annoying. “I was out with Jackson and I had a milkshake, I don't know why something would be wrong.” 

Then she pretends to let it go looking back at the TV without saying a word, Nayeon can be pretty annoying sometimes just like now, she isn't saying anything but Youngjae knows she is playing with his head and well it is working just fine.

“I feel weird,” 

“Why? Is that why you aren’t leaving your room much these days?” She doesn't look away from the TV. 

“I don't know… Maybe. You know, there is this weird feeling in my chest and it's making me anxious for some reason. I don't understand--” 

“It's that about that guy… what's his name? Jaebum? The one from the library,” she asks it too uninterested which means she cares about what he will say next. 

“Why would it be about him?” The looks she gives him tells him to stop whatever it is that he is doing. “It might… I don't know what the hell is my problem, fuck-- this is ridiculous.” Except that he knows what is his problem, he knows what he did wrong, he just can’t tell her, can’t say it out loud. 

Youngjae pulls at his hair, he regrets that he agreed on being Jaebum's partner on that stupid project, he doesn't want to spend time with the other boy, not at all. It's so weird though before the party he knew about Jaebum already, it was like nothing would ever come out of it so he didn't care, Jaebum is hot so he would let Jaebum stare at him without telling him to back off but now… now though Jaebum, he is kinda friends with Jackson, and Youngjae has heard his voice, has touched his hand, has felt his touch on his arm, has been intimated with him, all at once. Jaebum feels rea like a real possibility. Like a real person who can pretty much mess with Youngjae's head.

“I don't understand it either honestly” Nayeon sits up so she can look him in the eyes, she turns the TV off and suddenly the room is very quiet. “What is it about him that makes you feel like he is worth the risk?”

“He doesn't--”

“Don't interrupt me. We need to figure this out, Jae… I don't think it's because he is hot, you usually don't think with your dick.” It's that supposed to be a compliment? It doesn't feel like one, she just keeps talking. “I know that there is something about him, about you two I just can't see what it is. I know you don't believe in things like fate, but doesn’t it seem like… as if it’s natural?” 

“Yeah, don't even start with that. We know what it is, Yeonnie, attraction. I'm attracted to him and it sucks that he has a girlfriend so I'm sulking.” This much he can admit to her, well even to himself since after what happened this shit gets hard to ignore. “What I don't understand is why do I care so much, I shouldn't care like that, y'know? I don't know him, I know nothing about him and yet my heart hurts when I think about him with other people. It's weird.”

Nayeon looks at him with pity in her eyes, Youngjae doesn't like that. “I know… When I met Momo, you know how it was because you were there, but the thing is that I wanted to be with her so bad it was hurting me, it sounds dramatic like a teenager thing but I don't know… we had a pull and when we finally got together it felt right.” 

“It's not like you and Momo-- you two are different… it's nothing like that. It's some weird shit, that what is. I will sleep it off, it will be over when I wake up. Don't eat all the ice cream without me.” He kisses the top of her head messing her hair with his hand and then walks off to his room, giving her no chance to talk even more about Jaebum. 

He lies there and he can't stop thinking about this pull that Nayeon talked about. Is that a pull what he feels when he looks at Jaebum? He doesn't know what the hell is this thing is but it's damn weird, wanting to be with someone that you don't even know well. Wanting to risk having a heartbreak for someone you know nothing about. Youngjae won't do that. He will sleep and he will forget about dumb guy with a girlfriend Jaebum. But he doesn't, he dreams about Jaebum putting a red tiny ring on his pinky and kissing it and then kissing Youngjae. 

The next day Youngjae feels just as weird as he’s been feeling for a while now, but he ignores it, putting all the thoughts at the back of his mind. He just texts the boy letting him know that unfortunately or maybe not so much, he will have a busy week so they will only be able to meet up Friday after their class, Jaebum is okay with that at least he seems to be.

On Sunday Youngjae goes out with Momo and Nayeon, they go to a park, then they have lunch together and then go to the movies, he loves like they never make him feel like the third wheel, when the three of them are together they are just three friends. He is very grateful for that, he doesn't care about being single but he doesn't want to feel like a loser everytime he hangs out with his best friends. They have a nice day even if they have to finish it early and go back home to finish their homework. It's a good day and he doesn't have to think about any hookup. 

The week goes by slowly, he sees Jackson every day at lunch and he is always, always, accompanied by Jinyoung or Mark or by both of them. It's hard for Youngjae because he doesn't want to like them but there's just so much he can do, they are… great, kinda. They are funny and smart, contrary to what Youngjae expected, and they treat Jackson so well which was what he was really worried about. Youngjae is happy if his best friend is happy and he can't keep the bitchy act when they are so cool, he likes them so he hangs with them and Jackson at lunch and it's good, it’s all good.

He doesn't see Jaebum around and he doesn't care he’s actually grateful for it, Mark comments once that they only see him at home because he's always running for classes or doing something else, Youngjae thinks ‘doing something else’ means walking around with his girlfriend but he doesn't care so he doesn't ask, it's none of his business anyways.

Sometimes Youngjae forgets with whom Jackson is hooking up with, Jinyoung is always being a sweetheart to him and taking care of the other boy. It confuses Youngjae but no one else seems to mind or care so he doesn't either.

Thursday night he is just so tired, he had such a busy week and it's not even over yet. Momo convinces him to go to a restaurant with them so they can all relax and have good food, it's good he does relax indeed and he has a good time with them, he feels like he can hold up for one more day, taking one day at the time. 

When Friday comes around he has completely forgotten about the meet up with Jaebum, they have the last class of the day together but Youngjae was late for it so he just sat at a random corner and he didn't see Jaebum at all. He was about to leave class so he could go home play Overwatch with Momo when he hears someone is calling out his name, he looks back and right there walking towards him is Jaebum. He looks so good today it should be illegal for anyone to look this good on a Friday after an entire week of class, after one of the most boring classes ever. It’s like he does it just to piss off Youngjae, it works. 

“Hey, huh, are you busy? We were supposed to start working on our project today, weren’t we?” Jaebum looks unsure as if he had messed up, but he didn't Youngjae was the one that shoved all the thoughts of Jaebum to the back of his mind, now he wonders how he managed to do that. Now that he is here looking at Jaebum he wonders how anyone could forget anything about him even if for a second. 

“No, I’m not busy and yes we are supposed to start today… I didn't ask though since it's Friday… do you have any plans? Maybe we can do it tomorrow.” Or never, just fail this class already. 

“No!” Jaebum answers quickly and a little louder than necessary, “I mean, no I don't have any plans, I actually made sure that I would be free for you tonight. It's good since we are not on soccer season yet we don't have to practice every day so I'm free on Fridays still.” 

“What do you mean soccer season? What-- I thought...” Youngjae is confused he doesn’t know what he thought, but soccer wasn’t on the list of things he thought. He has no idea why Jaebum is talking about soccer or why he cares about it. 

“Oh, you don't know?” Then Jaebum is walking even closer to Youngjae, he doesn't know why he needs to stand so close to have a simple conversation, they should leave the class already, Youngjae says so and Jaebum seems surprised as if he hadn't realized that they were standing here like idiots. “Anyways, I thought you knew… I'm on the soccer team, I'm the captain, actually.” 

Is Youngjae supposed to be impressed by that? Because he is not well maybe he is but he tries not to show it, it just explains a lot like why Jaebum has such broad shoulders and strong body and also why he looks like a first class douchebag. “Huh, it fits you, I guess…” 

Jaebum looks disappointed with Youngjae's reaction, he was probably expecting for him to fanboy over the other boy, well it won't be happening. “Where are we going to do this? I would suggest my place but it's Friday and the boys go a little-- huh a little wild, y'know?” 

Oh, right, Jaebum is also a frat boy he almost forgot about it. Youngjae doesn't know but he can imagine how a house full of young men can be at a Friday night, “that's fine, we can go to my place, I live right off the campus. I have roommates though, they will probably be busy with their own stuff so they should leave us alone, so I think it's cool. We can always go to the library of course,” 

“No, not the library I spent too much time there this year already, please I hate it there. Your place is fine.” Jaebum looks like he just achieved something impressive, maybe he did. 

They walk all the way to Youngjae's little apartment regret growing inside him, he should not have invited Jaebum to his place, okay, they are pretending nothing happened but it did. It so happened. Youngjae stops at the Chinese restaurant close to his place so he and Jaebum can eat something and he can feed Nayeon and Momo too. 

“Ah! I smell food! What did you bring us, baby otter?” Momo says in a singing voice, and then she sees Jaebum and freezes, “What--” 

“Baby otter?” Jaebum is smirking beside him, idiot.

“Jaebum is here just because we have to work on our advertising and journalism project, no biggie. And I brought Chinese food from the restaurant down the street.” He tries to distract her. 

Momo has a funny expression on her face but Youngjae can't read it, “again? Nayeon won't be pleased with it, Youngjae.” She is looking at Jaebum and Youngjae knows she is not talking about the food.

“Well, I don't have to feed any of you if you don't want it don't eat it I don't care. Where's Nayeon anyways?” 

“In the shower…” Momo hasn't taken her eyes off of Jaebum since he walked in he doesn’t know how Jaebum hasn’t said anything about it yet. Youngjae is fucked, Nayeon won't be pleased, Momo isn't pleased, he isn't pleased either, why did he do it?

This is perfect though, Nayeon is not in the room right now and it's perfect for them, Youngjae gets the two takeout boxes that he got to himself and to Jaebum and goes to his room with the other boy without saying anything else even though he knows what Momo is thinking. 

They eat in awkward silence, Youngjae doesn't know what to say and he doesn't want to say anything either, he doesn't want to get to know Jaebum. Because he doesn't care and also because he is afraid that he will find something there that he will like, he doesn't want that, things would just get worse from there. 

When they are done eating Jaebum says they need to brainstorm, and they do, they have a lot of ideas. But they can't agree on anything, Youngjae wants to make a photoshoot and Jaebum wants to make a short movie. Both ideas suck, what they need to do is create a product or an idea and sell it somehow make people change their perspective about something, need their product. They need to make it so people will want to have it, so it will be trendy or some shit but they don't know how to do that. They don't know how to do anything they don't even know what they will try to convince people of. 

“Ugh this is pathetic we both suck at this. What do you like?” Youngjae asks after a long time of unproductive discussion. 

“What do you mean what do I like?” Jaebum is utterly confused.

“I mean, Jaebum, what do you like to do? What would you like to buy or what do you think people should care about?” Jaebum doesn't say anything and Youngjae doesn't have time for that, “Dude, it's just a question I'm not trying to get to know you better so you can chill. I just want to have an idea we can't work on the advertising of something that doesn't even exist yet. We don't even know what we will talk about!” 

Youngjae looks at him like he is an idiot, Jaebum is an idiot. “I don't know I like sports? I like soccer, obviously, I like strawberries… and I like cats.” 

“Huh, we won't be selling soccer, I don't care about it, I don't know why anyone would care about it. No offense,” he smiles at Jaebum but he doesn't care if he is offended or not, “a project about strawberries seems… weird? We can't make a big ass project about strawberries.” 

“Well, what do you like?” Jaebum wonders and he looks curious like his intention is getting to know Youngjae, which shouldn’t be the point here. 

“I like video games, I like kpop and I don't know this is hard-- I like dogs too…” 

“I like your hair,” Jaebum says it out of nowhere as if they could sell Youngjae's hair as if it was an option or maybe he says it because he feels like complimenting Youngjae for some reason. The boy doesn't mean to but he laughs loudly, he can't believe Jaebum just said he likes his hair, he remembers what Momo said about Jaebum staring at him because he wanted to know what brand of shampoo he uses. It's dumb but he can't stop laughing, he feels light if only for a second. 

“Do you also think I have chapped lips and want to give me your lip balm?” Jaebum was smiling at him but then he isn't anymore, no, now he is looking at Youngjae's lips and he won't even blink, Youngjae stops laughing. Suddenly he doesn't know what to do with himself, he should not have said it, he shouldn’t be joking around with Jaebum. 

“No, you don't need it,” and he’s touching Youngjae's lips, he runs his thumb over Youngjae's bottom lip it makes the younger boy shiver. Youngjae gets up, breaking the contact between them, what is Jaebum even doing touching him like this? They don’t do that, they did once, but not anymore, never again.

“We both like animals maybe we should- we can work on a campaign about adoption, you know something like adopting don't shop. About hum…” Youngjae is trying to think but he can still feel Jaebum's touch on his lip, this is messing with his head, his skin is so warm and soft. “Hum, cats, and dogs... about how people should adopt and we can make both a short movie and a photoshoot, a photoshoot with the animals so people can see how beautiful they are and a short movie about… about the way, they live in shelters. We can both show how they live and convince people that they are worth it. The main idea being change how people decide how and from where they should get their pets.” 

Jaebum doesn't seem to be paying much attention to what he says, he is looking at Youngjae's lips and it's distracting for both of them, maybe he does need some lip balm, Momo was right and he shouldn't bring this kind of stuff up when talking to Jaebum. 

The older boy says he likes the idea but that they should think more about it, about how they would do it. It's not only taking a picture of a dog and a cat, they have to make a commercial and a lot of other stuff, also a presentation, Youngjae hates that it’s too just too much work but he is relieved that they at least have the main idea ready so they can work on other stuff. 

They will go to a shelter next week, they don't know which one yet, Youngjae is supposed to find one, he will have to make some research later but it shouldn’t be too hard. “I think that's enough for today, I can't think anymore, at this point my brain is almost dead,” 

“It’s pretty early still,” it’s Friday night so maybe ten o’clock might be considered early, but Youngjae doesn’t think it’s pretty early, “since you know, we both don’t have any plans for the night and we won’t be working on anything anymore… would you like to go back to my place with me? I’m sure that there will be a lot of beer, it won’t be too noisy since it’s not a party night but it will be fun,” Jaebum is looking at him with hope in his eyes. 

Youngjae doesn’t get it he thought Jaebum would be begging for him to not tell anyone about what happened between them at the party, to keep it a secret, instead Jaebum is trying to befriend him, maybe is a jock thing, he really can’t figure this out. 

“I don’t think so, thanks for the invitation though, I will let you know about the shelter thing when I have it figured out.” He is being dismissive but in a nice way, he shouldn’t even care about Jaebum’s feeling, not after the way he left after their hookup, he should just not care. But he ain’t going to be a dick to Jaebum since they will be working together for some weeks at least, he wants things to go fine, he just needs to ignore the fact that the boy makes him all jittery and feeling a weird thing on his stomach and chest. It doesn’t seem to work though, Jaebum looks like Youngjae just kicked his puppy. 

“We can do something else, I don’t we could--” Jaebum tries again. 

“I’m really tired, maybe another time, yeah?” He really doesn’t want to hurt Jaebum but he wants him to leave already, he’s making everything so much harder for Youngjae, he doesn’t want to have anything to do with him. 

“Oh, yeah sorry, I’m just so used to being out every Friday when I’m not playing, I gotta enjoy it while I can you know…” 

“I’m sure your girlfriend will be up to go to your place have drinks with you, maybe you should call her instead,” he says it may be out of bitterness, but he can’t forget the fact that Jaebum has a girlfriend again. Both of them need to remember it, but for some reason, it seems to bother Jaebum, hurt him even. 

“Of course, I will call her… so I’ll see you on Monday and we can discuss some more. Can you walk me to the door?” Youngjae does, they say goodbye and it shouldn’t be awkward but it is, they are not friends but they are standing close together Jaebum looking at him as if he is expecting something, Youngjae doesn’t know what it is so he just closes the door. 

“What was he doing here?” Nayeon asks as soon as the door is closed in front of Youngjae.

“It amazes me that you can still talk even with Momo’s tongue all the way down your throat,” Youngjae is standing at the door looking at them, they are making out on the couch and he wonders why, Nayeon has her own room, why do they think he needs to see this? He doesn’t! 

“Cute! Momo told me you two are working together on a project at least that’s what you told her, I don’t know if I believe it. It’s weird that you would decide to work with him of all people after you were the one saying that he doesn’t make you want to risk anything.” Nayeon says with an innocent expression on her face, even though she is sitting at Momo’s lap. 

“Listen, he doesn’t make me want to risk anything, there’s nothing to risk here, the only thing at risk is my grade if we don’t make a nice work and there’s so much to do, he was the only person willing to work with me, so I had no other option,” Youngjae is already walking back to his room when he hears a noise, it is coming from Momo this time, “what?” 

“I don’t trust him, will you be careful Youngjae?” Her face is pretty worried he hates it, they won’t do anything, at least not more than they already did. 

“Don’t worry about me, Momoring. I’m the one that can’t trust you two to not fuck on the couch, please move it to your room.” 

In his room, he lies on his bed and he thinks the entire room smells like Jaebum like his cologne, Youngjae hugs his pillow close to his chest. Jaebum probably has called his girlfriend already, they will probably get drunk together and have sex afterward, Youngjae doesn’t know why he thinks about that, it’s none of his business, but he can’t help it, maybe if he had accepted Jaebum’s invitation to go back to his house or if he had stayed here to watch something on Netflix instead things wouldn’t go so bad, maybe they could have had a good time together. No, Jaebum has a girlfriend and he is with her as he should. 

Youngjae can still feel Jaebum’s touch on his lips and he dreams about sucking on Jaebum’s thumb, he wakes up with a hard-on and embarrassed even if there’s no one here to judge him, his face burning with shame.

  
  


*

 

Youngjae is always late for his classes, today he woke extra earlier so he would get in class on time, he was so proud of himself when he got at the advertising and journalism class ten minutes before it was supposed to start. It has never happened before he should treat himself to sushi later, he deserves it. 

“Good morning, I've never seen you here so early in the morning,” Jaebum says sitting by Youngjae's side, he seems to be in a good mood, huh. Youngjae would never imagine that the boy was a morning person. 

“Well, you're seeing today, lucky you,” Youngjae is in a good mood too, he is definitely not a morning person but not having to run to class while he is starving cause he didn't have time to eat made him very happy today he should try waking up on time more frequently. 

“Lucky me indeed,” Jaebum chuckles happily, no one is this happy on a Monday morning. 

“What are you so happy about? Got lucky last night?” And then his face drops as if Youngjae was supposed to ignore the fact that he has a girlfriend, pretend he doesn’t know.

“I'm just happy that will start working on our project, I'm pretty excited about it.” But Jaebum doesn't seem so excited anymore, Youngjae knows it's his fault but he can’t exactly take it back. 

“Oh, by the way I sent an email to a shelter I looked up after you left last Friday, the owner, her name is Aria by the way, she said she would be happy to talk to us but I don't know your schedule so I couldn't tell her when we would be going there, I said I would call her later today. Are you free this afternoon?” 

“Not till two o’clock... then I'm free, I should eat something before we can go though,” Jaebum says looking down at his notebook, face impossible to read. 

“That's perfect, I will call her after the class ends then I will text you and let you know if it’s okay for us to go today. We can have lunch together if you want, there's a nice Mexican restaurant right next to the shelter, we can eat there if you like?” Youngjae doesn't even know why he does it, he just thinks that it would be practical they will be free and having lunch at the same time so why not do it together? And that seems to lift Jaebum’s mood, he looks up from his notebook almost smiling at Youngjae, that does weird things to the younger boy’s stomach, but he ignores it. 

“Yeah, that would be great, I love Mexican food, I will be at the sports center, meet me there at two, would you? I will drive us there,” Youngjae regrets it, he wants to call it off, that’s what he seems to want to do all the time with Jaebum but he doesn’t, just nods his head. 

Then the class starts and they have to pay attention to it, except that Youngjae cannot concentrate on anything the professor is saying, all he can think about is that he will be having lunch with Jaebum in a restaurant just the two of them and that they will probably spend the entire day together. 

The drive to the restaurant is horrible, it’s not like it could be comfortable between them anyway but Jaebum makes it so much harder to endure he was obviously practicing before their meet up and took a shower afterward now he smells really good, almost like he smelled at the party sans the beer. Youngjae wants to open the windows so he can breathe something else that is not Jaebum’s cologne so he can shut all his memories, he’s about to but Jaebum stops him looking at the boy as if he’s crazy, it’s too cold outside, they have the heater turned on. The thing is, Youngjae wouldn’t mind getting his brain frozen. 

After a torturous ride, they finally get to the restaurant, placing their orders quickly, the place is so nice, Youngjae came here twice with Nayeon, it’s a little bit far from campus or else he would come here more often. 

“This thing is bigger than your face, are you sure you can eat it?” Jaebum looks at him as if he wants to laugh but it’s being nice about it. 

“Excuse you, I love burritos, I will eat it before you can get through half of your nachos,” Youngjae doesn’t know if he wants to share about his life with Jaebum, but… they are already here and he doesn’t want it to be awkward also he is a little bit tired of building walls between them, maybe he can relax a bit just for today, whatever happened won’t happen again, maybe they can at least hold a conversation. 

“When I was nine I went through a burrito phase,” just remembering how it went it’s enough to make Youngjae laugh, “oh my God, it was terrible all I wanted to eat was burritos, my mom was going mad then I convinced Nayeon that she should just eat burritos too, her mother was so mad at us. After it I think I went almost four years without eating Mexican food at all, now I’m back at my game,” he says wiggling his eyebrows before giving his burrito a big bite. 

Something makes Jaebum blush, or maybe it’s the warm air in contrast with the cold air outside, he doesn’t know but it looks good on him. “You’re so cute-- I mean, you were a cute kid.” Blushing harder, he is the cute one here Youngjae thinks before he can stop himself, “you and Nayeon have always been friends?” 

Then Youngjae tells Jaebum about how he and Nayeon met when they were little kids on a playdate and then stuck together never getting too far from one another, how they moved together when they had to go to college and how he loves her like a sister. He also tells him that he met Jackson at his first day here and Jackson claimed they would be best friends and how he and Nayeon are always fighting because of it even though Youngjae knows they love each other as much as they love him, well maybe not as much but enough to be best friends as well. 

In return, Jaebum tells him a bunch of stories about his childhood with Mark and Jinyoung and how they have been inseparable since little kids too and they always knew that they would come to university together. Jaebum tells him a lot of stories, he makes Youngjae laugh his loudest laugh and some people look over at them, Jaebum doesn’t mind it and doesn’t get embarrassed either, he looks proud of himself for making Youngjae laugh so loud. It’s good, Youngjae doesn’t feel like a bother, he doesn’t feel like he’s doing something wrong either. 

He talks about his family, about his class, about his teammates, about how he got a scholarship for playing soccer. But he never mentions his girlfriend, not even once, Youngjae thinks it’s weird he would talk about someone if he was in love with them or if they were a big part of his life. It’s weird in a bitter way that the younger boy thinks that he isn’t so in love if he cheats on her. Youngjae even thinks about bringing her up even if just to see Jaebum’s reaction but he thinks better of it, he would rather not talk about her, he would rather enjoy his time with Jaebum just the two of them. 

It’s funny how easy it’s to talk to Jaebum, they were being awkward with each other just three days ago, at the bakery Youngjae wouldn’t even look his way and now they are sharing stories of when they were kids, talking about their family even. Jaebum is telling him how important soccer is for him, apparently, his father was a player too and Jaebum wanted to be like him, his eyes shine talking about the man, Youngjae thinks it’s cute. Which is dangerous, Youngjae shouldn’t be thinking Jaebum is cute. 

When they are done with their food they go to the shelter, they explain to Aria how their project will work. How they plan to convince people to adopt their pets and also about the importance of helping your local shelter with donations or volunteer work. The main intention of the project being make people aware of the importance of adopting, but that really they have to convince people of it, have to change their lifestyle. So they would also make a campaign with the animals they have at the shelters so people could see them and maybe even adopt them. 

They would also make a short movie about Aria and other volunteers’ work, that was something Jaebum wanted to do since he took some classes on the department of film and photography, so Youngjae let him explain it to her. Aria loves the idea, she offered to help them with whatever they would need since she thinks that that was an opportunity for her shelter and for others around the city to get known and of course for all the animals there to get a family. 

They won’t work with the animals rescued here just yet, they have to work on the campaign first, they have to work on a website and on some boring ass theoric shit the professor asked them, that’s the part Youngjae isn’t looking forward too. 

“Do you want to… I don’t know maybe come over? We worked hard we deserve warm food, I would offer to cook for you but I can't really cook but we can order pizza, my treat… and we could watch a movie I don't know.” The words are coming out of Youngjae's mouth and he can't stop them he just can't, he didn't plan on saying any of those things but the prospect of them parting ways was messing with his head, they had such a good day together he didn't want it to end just yet, which is stupid and pathetic of him. He was supposed to get away from Jaebum and not too spend every second of the day with him. 

“Seriously? I--” 

“We don't have to, obviously we don't,” Youngjae says nervously, it’s almost like he has a chance to back off, but he doesn’t know if he can if he wants to. “We have class tomorrow morning and you're probably tired and want to sleep I just thought that--” 

Jaebum stops Youngjae's babbling by squeezing his arm quickly so he can get the younger boy's attention, “hey, no, it's fine. I actually want to I was just surprised, you never want to hang out with me and you always try to avoid me so--” 

“That's not true,” but it is, they know that and Jaebum's eyes tell him yes it is true, Youngjae. But really he has a reason to do so, they know he has, he’s just ignoring them today. 

“So I was surprised that you wanted to treat me to pizza, but of course I want to hang out with you, I'd love to, Youngjae.” Jaebum smiles at Youngjae and it's the prettiest smile he has ever seen, it’s genuine it’s nothing like the one he gives when he’s trying to get things his way. 

The drive back to Youngjae's place isn't awkward like before, they talk this time and Jaebum makes some dad jokes, they are so bad Youngjae laughs so hard he almost chokes on nothing. Youngjae is so happy when they get at his apartment and Nayeon isn't home he almost starts dancing to celebrate it, judgment less area. He loves her more than anyone in his life but she will criticize him if she knows he is hanging out with Jaebum just because, Momo would be worried about ‘the having-a-girlfriend’ thing and both of them would be right but today is different he is treating himself to some Jaebum time, maybe just for today he will pretend that spending time with Jaebum isn't dangerous to him after all. 

“What do you want to watch,” maybe it was a bad idea after all, Jaebum and Youngjae are lying on their backs on Youngjae's bed, his laptop on his lap so they can watch something on it, but Youngjae's bed isn't exactly big, they are touching from shoulders to toes is ridiculous Youngjae should have thought better of that, because Jaebum smells too good and Youngjae wants him. 

“I don't care, anything you want it's cool with me,” he is eating a slice of pizza but his eyes are on Youngjae, not paying attention to anything else. 

“Have you ever watched ‘Please like me’? It's not a movie… it's a show and well we won’t be able to watch it all tonight but I think it’s worth it.” 

“I don’t think so, I think Mark watched it because I remember some of his babbling but I didn’t care for it. I wouldn’t mind watching it with you though,” he smiles at Youngjae as if it meant so much more as if he agrees to watch something with Youngjae is something huge.  

“Listen, you don't have to watch something because of me, I've watched it already like… a lot of times to be honest because it can be rather funny but we can watch something else,” Youngjae is looking at the laptop screen but he feels Jaebum's eyes on him, he's back at the fucking stares it seems. 

“No, sorry I didn't mean it like that. I didn't want to watch it with Mark because I didn't care about his crazy obsessions but… I want to watch it with you. And it's good because it has more than a season, right? So you will have to hang out with me more times so we can finish it, it's a win for me.” He smirks at Youngjae, what an idiot Youngjae thinks smiling to himself.

Youngjae feels something falling on his shoulder after some time, Jaebum has his eyes closed and his breathing in coming slowly he has fallen asleep on Youngjae, he pouts when he sleeps and it’s so damn cute, Youngjae wants to look at his sleeping face forever. 

“Hey, Jaebum, wake up!” Youngjae shakes him a little, it doesn’t seem to work, Jaebum stirs but them he is hugging Youngjae’s waist, putting his arm around the younger’s body. “Jaebum, you can’t sleep like that, come on wake up!” He tries again. 

He kinda opens his eyes but then he looks at Youngjae and closes them again mumbling into his ear, “let me sleep, just five minutes more, please… babe, let me sleep…” his hot breath hitting Youngjae’s skin and hell no Youngjae won’t have it if Jaebum is having a dream about his girlfriend he better wake up right now. 

Youngjae shakes Jaebum with purpose now all his courtesy forgotten, “wake the hell up, Jaebum!” And he does a little startled, his eyes widen. 

“Wha-- Oh, oh, Youngjae, I’m sorry I guess I was a tired and beer makes me sleepy, sorry I didn’t mean to sleep like that, I’ll leave since it’s late. I’m really sorry.” He’s blushing again, looking lost.  

“Are you okay to drive? You drank two cans of beer and you’re pretty sleepy maybe you should stay… I can lend you some clothes if you need to,”

“I sleep naked,” does he plan on sleeping naked on Youngjae’s bed? And why does he think Youngjae needs this information? He really doesn’t. “Thank you but I don’t want to disturb, I should leave…” 

But he can hardly open his eyes, he closed them again and is still clinging to Youngjae’s waist, how can Youngjae let him leave like that? “I don’t think so, you sleep here I will take the couch, alright?” Youngjae tries to dislocate himself from Jaebum but the boy is way stronger than him. 

“No way, if you take the couch I’m leaving right now… We can sleep here together, the two of us, I don’t mind-” oh, so he doesn’t mind, but Youngjae very much does. “I will sleep on my underwear don’t worry, just sleep here with me, yeah?” 

“Jaebum, we ain’t doing this. Sorry, not after what happened.” He sounds way more confident than he feels, sleeping with Jaebum it’s just what he needs to finish his day and call it perfect.

Jaebum is quiet for a few minutes, Youngjae almost thinks he fell asleep again but then he’s rising his face in order to look right at Youngjae. “I thought you didn’t remember it, what happened I mean, I thought you had forgotten since you didn’t say anything about it.” 

“I-- I didn’t forget it, Jaebum. I wasn’t that wasted,” and that’s it’s just admitting that he knew exactly what he was doing, but it’s the truth so he doesn’t care. “But really what did you want me to say? We did something we shouldn’t have done, probably we both regret it so just let it go.” 

“We probably… I don’t, I don’t regret it, honestly. But I respect you, I won’t do anything if you sleep together, that or I can leave.”

What does Jaebum mean by not regretting it, if anything Youngjae only regrets it because of Jaebum, because the boy has a girlfriend because that’s something they shouldn’t have done not like that anyway. And now he respects the fact that Youngjae regrets it? It’s a mess, he never felt so confused in his life, his thoughts, his morals, everything but mostly Jaebum… everything is messing up with his head. 

He should tell Jaebum to leave, now that they cleared things up, it will probably be awkward, also the boy will sober up soon, but at the same time it’s just a day, it might be like the last time, everything they already did together today, it won’t hurt to have it as well. The room feels so warm with Jaebum in here, it’s very comfortable and maybe he isn’t strong enough to deny himself like that.  

“Okay...  but we have to change, I’ll get us some pajamas, but listen that’s all we gonna do, sleep. Alright?” He says more to convince himself than anyone else.

“Ok, I’m tired, do it quickly.” So Youngjae does. He changes into sweatpants but doesn’t bother putting on a shirt, when he looks at Jaebum the boy is only in his underwear already, Youngjae didn’t even see him losing his clothes but now he can’t move, all he can do is look at Jaebum’s strong thighs, the room goes from warm to almost too hot.  

Everyone with eyes knows Jaebum looks good, Youngjae thinks it’s dumb to deny it but right now he is almost naked on his bed and his body is one of the seven wonders of the world. He is abs are so defined, his arms so strong and his thighs… he can see the muscles on it, Youngjae wants to touch, he wants to touch them so bad but he can’t, no, no touching, he shouldn’t be looking at Jaebum’s body at all.  

Youngjae lies with Jaebum trying not to touch the other at all, but his bed isn’t that spacious and Jaebum is clingy, he seems to be getting closer and closer to Youngjae and this is so stressing Youngjae just wants to sleep but instead he is being tortured. He thinks that he was the one who brought it on himself and wants to cry at how pathetic he is. Jaebum puts his arms around Youngjae’s waist once again, Youngjae can’t move, what is he supposed to do in a situation like that maybe he should he wake Jaebum up and tell him that he should leave and that he doesn’t care about his safety anymore.  

Yeah, that would be good, maybe a little drastic but the situation they are in is drastic too, Youngjae has a half-hard-on he needs to sleep, he has to stare at the ceiling till he is able to sleep, he can’t look at Jaebum, he needs to ignore that he is here on Youngjae’s bed altogether or he won’t be able to make it through the night.

Youngjae closes his eyes and tries to think hard about how Jaebum is a probably bi frat boy who dates a blonde girl and who doesn’t care about Youngjae at all, who probably just wanted to fool around with him. It kinda works because he feels sad now, he’s still half-hard but it will die down soon, he should just stop playing himself with this dumb treat day that he did today, he should stop being a dumbass and realize that he and Jaebum will be friends if he is lucky enough. Jaebum is attractive and all but not worth the risk, he is not worth the risk.

“What’s going through your head, Jae?” Jaebum’s voice on his ear startles him, he was sure the older boy was asleep since he seemed so tired before. He doesn’t say anything because there’s nothing to say to it. He just hopes Jaebum will let it go, he doesn’t, “tell me, why are you so tense, is it because of me?”  

There’s a mantra going through Youngjae’s head: not worth it, not worth it, not worth it. But his body is a different thing, he’s leaning onto Jaebum’s touch, turning his head so he can have better access to his ear, so maybe his lips will touch his heated skin. He feels shameless.  

“How do I make you feel, Youngjae? Tell me,” Jaebum’s husky voice is doing things to Youngjae’s body, making it react too fast. All Jaebum has to do is turn a little so he’s lying over Youngjae, the sudden change makes the younger boy gasp, everything happening to fast without him doing anything to stop it. “I can start if you want… you, Choi Youngjae,” his lips seizing over Youngjae’s one, their eyes never leaving each other. “You make me so hot, when I look at you I forget about every reason I have to just not want. You make me want it, y’know? Make me wanna say ‘fuck it’,” 

“Yeah?” Youngjae knows exactly how it feels like since they crossed gazes for the first time that’s all that has been on his mind, he never thought it could be a possibility, not till last month when they hooked up, now it all feels like a possibility, a sweet one. “Then, fuck it,” the words leave his mouth before he can think better of it, he wouldn’t be able to do so anyway, not with the way Jaebum’s crotch is touching his just right, not with the way his blood is running down to his lower body. 

“Fuck--” but he doesn’t finish it, doesn’t has to. Jaebum’s mouth attacks Youngjae so desperately it burns, the way he just dominates the kiss, demanding, so different from before. He holds Youngjae’s arms above his head not allowing any touching, the kiss so dirty the boy is pretty sure he never kissed anyone like that, he feels promiscuous but he doesn’t care, wanting more of it, he gives as good as he gets making Jaebum moan in his mouth instead of the other way around.  

Keeping his firm grip on Youngjae’s fists the older boy proceeds to give his ear special attention, Youngjae has time to wonder if he knows just how much he loves it but all thoughts run from him when Jaebum starts sucking it lightly into his mouth giving small bites from time to time. He shoves his hips up trying to get any kind of friction he can but Jaebum reprimands him, only his face is enough to make Youngjae stop all his attempts.  

Jaebum lets go of his wrists but tell him to keep them where they are so he does, “I-- want something else… I don’t want a rushed orgasm, but I don’t want you teasing me.”

“I don’t,” Youngjae weekly protests even though interrupting Jaebum feels very wrong right now.  

“Yes you do, it’s okay though. But there’s something else, y’know, something I have thought for so long. Since when I first saw you, you probably didn’t even see me, you were talking to Momo at the cantina… Youngjae, the things you did to me. God, you don’t know,” then he kisses at each of Youngjae’s nipple while he caresses his stomach, light touches.  

“Then-- then tell me, Jaebum, tell me.” He doesn’t beg or maybe he does, he can’t know for sure.  

“I just never felt that way, men or women no one has ever made me throw it all away, but you… since that day all, I could think about was you. You inside me,” Youngjae’s moan is so loud it startles both of them, but Jaebum doesn’t stop all he does is look up smirking at the mess that is the boy under him, “I was so jealous of Momo, then of anyone I would see you with, I wanted you to myself, my man.”  

Youngjae wants to protest say that it ain’t fair, that Jaebum has a girlfriend so he really doesn’t get to feel jealous over Youngjae but he doesn’t, the way he says it it’s just so hot, Youngjae couldn’t give a shit about how hypocritical it all sounds. “I can be that,” maybe Jaebum is enjoying being dominant here but Youngjae has had enough of it, “your man, baby. Let me be your man,” 

Jaebum is shaken up by his words, at least his brain seem to be short-circuiting, that's all Youngjae needs to take his dominance back, he puts his hand on Jaebum’s waist in order to secure the boy while he turns them around, the bed not too spacious so he needs to be careful of his every moves. Youngjae sits on Jaebum’s lap, legs around at each side of the boy. 

“That’s what you want, isn’t it?” Jaebum just nods his head, it’s like he has gone voiceless, he tries pushing Youngjae’s shorts down without much success. Youngjae laughs at him leaning down so he can kiss him lightly, no pressure at all, barely there touch, “be patient, babe, I think you can endure some teasing, don’t you?” 

Before he can protest though Youngjae is kissing him with determination this time, his hands at Jaebum’s jaw encouraging him to up for him and so he does. It’s perfect, he’s so pliant under his touch as if Jaebum has been made for it, was just expecting for someone who would take it from him, that would give instead of just taking.  

Jaebum is rutting against him, desperately for release, Youngjae just lets him, deciding that they’ll do whatever the older boy wants, he won’t demand anything from him, he just can’t, wouldn’t do it. But soon Jaebum is stopping all his moves, pulling away from the kiss, Youngjae has a second to worry but it doesn’t last much. “I want you-- if you want, of course, I don’t want to impose anything on you.”  He takes a deep breath looking up at Youngjae as if trying to look for something there, something he probably finds. “Please, Youngjae, please fuck me. Please.”

“What do you mean--”  

“Fuck me all the way. Be my man, yeah?” Jaebum’s eyes pleading, Youngjae wants to say ‘no’, no matter how much he wants it as well, he knows how dangerous this can be, for both of them.

“Listen, we can do something else,” Jaebum’s face fall, “no, listen to me, it’s just… I don’t want you to regret it later, to think about how--” 

“I won’t, I never regret anything with you, the only thing I have ever regretted is not finding you sooner,” Jaebum looks sincere enough, like he means it and it’s such a hard decision for Youngjae, having to decide between being responsible with their feelings and just giving himself away to Jaebum. 

He makes his decision when he gets a small bottom of lube from under the pillow he was trying to sleep with, Jaebum looks surprised then happy then excited and then all of it at once. Youngjae kisses him again before getting off him so he can strip himself to nothing, it isn’t supposed to be erotic or anything but Jaebum seems to enjoy the show just enough. Youngjae takes off Jaebum’s underwear as well, he’s so hard it makes Youngjae’s mouth water.  

He drops to his knees between Jaebum’s legs, starting off by kissing at his inner thighs, they’re so soft, so contrasting from his hard sharp muscles, Youngjae has to stop from touching himself or this will end sooner than they want. Jaebum isn’t paying much attention to him, he’s whimpering softly eyes glued to the ceiling, begging for Youngjae to ‘just do it, please.’ So Youngjae does, he licks at Jaebum’s balls before letting them slide inside his mouth, Jaebum moan loudly and Youngjae is pretty sure even his neighbors can hear him, but he doesn’t care, maybe even like it a bit.  

Jaebum’s hand is pushing at his hair asking for something Youngjae can’t make out, so he proceeds to the boy’s length, he licks at the tip before sucking at it, the reaction he receives so rewardingly, the heat in his mouth the best thing Youngjae has ever felt. He plasters some of the lube in his fingers warming it up for a bit, then he replaces his mouth for his hand, jerking Jaebum slowly. 

“I’m going to finger you for a bit, yeah? Get you ready for my dick,” Jaebum nods but there’s something off in his expression so Youngjae stops his ministrations altogether making the older boy almost cry in despair. “What’s wrong?” 

“There’s-- there’s nothing wrong, promise, can we just keep going,” Jaebum asks but Youngjae just raises his eyebrow, no they won’t continue this if Jaebum isn’t honest with him. “Alright, I’m… I never did it before so it might be a little weird at first? But I read it gets pretty good into the whole thing,” 

And it’s like someone just hit Youngjae right in the head, he can’t-- no, “Jaebum, we can do something else, I don’t want your first time to be like this.” 

“Like what? This is perfect. It’s you so it’s perfect. Please don’t take this away from me.” Jaebum holds Youngjae’s face on his hands, kisses him softly just like Youngjae did before. The boy wants to tell him no, they shouldn’t even be doing this in the first place, yet all Youngjae can think is that yeah this is perfect, just perfect because it’s them, both of them together.

So he nods into the kiss, going back down in order to jerk Jaebum off again, it amazes him that Jaebum still rock-hard like before, “so desperate for my dick, aren’t you, babe.” He circles Jaebum’s entrance with his index finger, careful to not do anything too quickly, he tries to distract the other boy as best as he can, sucking his nipple, jerking him off, and then lets his fingertip slide inside. There’s some resistance as he expected but it doesn’t last much, all he has to is kiss Jaebum, swallowing his groans.

After a while of fucking Jaebum on his finger Youngjae tells him that he is going to introduce another finger, he does so, for some reason this one goes in way easier, he tries to stretch him as much as he can, careful of not touching his sweet spot, he really doesn’t want Jaebum to cum right now.  

When he’s up to three fingers Youngjae looks down at the other boy, he looks perfect, hair a mess, red face, lips sore from all the biting both of them did, he looks ready. “I’m going for the real thing now, is that cool?” 

“Yeah, just-- slow,” Jaebum whispers breathlessly, he’s probably too tired, Youngjae almost feels bad for him, almost.

“Would you get on your hands and knees for me, babe?” Jaebum’s eyes widen a bit but he nods his head, he does it quickly and that is an image Youngjae will keep in his mind for the rest of his life. Jaebum’s perfect ass in the air for him, dotted with moles, he grips on his asscheeks pulling them apart and almost cums right there. Jaebum’s hole so perfect, so inviting, Youngjae puts on the condom quick lubing himself as best as he can. 

This position is good for both of them, it should be more comfortable for Jaebum and easier for Youngjae to keep his pace. He lets the tip of his dick in between Jaebum’s asscheeks, “please, just fuck me already,”

Youngjae wants to laugh but he can’t, just a dirty noise leaving his mouth, he’s desperate too but he can’t help teasing Jaebum a bit. He lets the tip inside, just the tip, and Jaebum’s body tenses under him, “hey, hey, babe, it’s fine. Relax for me, will you? I will be nice, I will be so good for you, be good for me too.”

Jaebum does the best he can, he tries relaxing and it’s enough, some of Youngjae’s length goes deeper into him, he feels how it enters Jaebum with one of his fingers massaging Jaebum’s asshole and it’s perfect it’s just so perfect, he never felt like that, probably won’t ever feel it again. When he’s all the way in Jaebum is moaning his name beautifully, Youngjae wishes he could record it, keep it with him forever. 

He fucks into Jaebum slowly at first, giving him time to adjust to the intrusion, soon it doesn’t feel like an intrusion anymore, it feels like Jaebum needs him there, he’s grasping to Youngjae’s dick, trying to suck him inside as his life depends on it. Youngjae places a stronger pace, going faster than before, but still, deep thrusts, at a particular one Jaebum’s hand can’t support him anymore. He falls face down to the mattress, Youngjae being the one supporting his waist so he can fuck into him harder. 

He’s stroking over Jaebum’s prostate within each push, he knows that because Jaebum’s entire body shakes with the thrusts, he’s crying, hands clenched around the sheets, while he begs, “please, Jae, please, I need to-- fuck please, make me come,”

And Youngjae is close as well, his movements becoming too sharp, the noise of their skins hitting against each other loud into the room, but he needs Jaebum to come first, so he drops his body over him, pushing his hair without mercy, hips fucking into him so good, “that’s how a man fucks his man,” then he bites at the joint of his shoulder and neck and Jaebum cums all over the sheets, moaning so loud he goes voiceless at the end. Youngjae won’t stop fucking tough, he fucks him even harder than before, Jaebum is crying out under him, Youngjae doesn’t have a pace anymore, he’s just looking for release, when he’s close enough his dick slide off Jaebum and he takes off the condom, jerking himself over Jaebum’s back, painting it white, the way he thought it would be perfect, and it is, it’s perfect but so much better than he could ever think it would be.

He drops to the side, bringing Jaebum with him, the boy is boneless in his arms, they breathe together for a while till Youngjae can think better about what is happening and what happened, he kisses Jaebum’s cheeks getting his shorts from the floor and cleaning Jaebum’s back and stomach, he then takes off the sheets but can’t put on some new because Jaebum is fast asleep already. 

Youngjae feels something on his throat, it’s like it will choke him at any moment, Jaebum looks like an angel sleeping, he looks so innocent, so pure, it’s everything he has ever wanted but he can’t have it. His treat day is over now.  

Youngjae wakes up feeling good and warm, a nice smell invading his nostrils and lungs, soft skin under his hands, memories of last night coming back to him as soon as he opens his eyes and sees Jaebum lying in his arms. He looks so good there, but it’s over, he knows it’s over, yesterday was a mistake, the whole day, maybe everything since he met Jaebum has been a mistake. He gets up walking to the corner of the room, he doesn’t want to leave the boy here by himself, but proximity wouldn’t be good either. 

“Where are you going?” Jaebum opens just an eye, a smile plastered all over his face.  

“Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you up, hum I have a spare toothbrush on the bathroom you can use it and then you can have some breakfast when you’re-- when you’re ready,” Jaebum turns on his back and looks  directly at Youngjae, he makes such a beautiful image there. “It’s okay, come here,” but Youngjae doesn’t move, keeping himself exactly what he is. “What’s wrong?” His voice is so raspy from sleep, this is not fair.

“What happened last night, you know it was the last time, right? It won’t be happening again, so don’t say things like come here, I won’t.” Youngjae lets all out before he can get himself into Jaebum’s life even more than he already is, he can’t think they are something that they aren't. Jaebum looks hurt but then he’s walking over to Youngjae, stopping right in front of him.

“Did I do something wrong? Because to me, it was all perfect, if it was something you didn’t like just tell me, I can fix it, promise. Just, please, let’s be together.”

Youngjae can’t have it, he pushes Jaebum so he isn’t not being presses feeling suffocated against the walls, “be together? How the fuck are we going to be together when you are already together with someone else? What about fucking Angela?”

Jaebum goes pale at the mention of his girlfriend, good, serves him right. He tries protesting but then Nayeon is knocking at the door not giving him any chance to defend himself, “Jae, you gonna be late! If you’re not up in the next ten minutes I’m getting in there and pushing you in the face!”

“Heard her,” he says dismissively to Jaebum, “so anyways I can lend you some clothes, you’re obviously larger than me but I have some oversized stuff, they will fit you just fine,” Youngjae can’t even look at him while the words leave his mouth, he feels pathetic, his body betrayed him, if he wasn’t so into Jaebum that wouldn’t be happening. If he could just ignore the attraction he feels, it’s more than attraction at this point but still…

“Jae, please--”

“I will get you some clothes and then you can shower, come on stop being lazy.” He cuts Jaebum off once again not wanting to hear whatever he has to say. He is about to show Jaebum where the bathroom is when Momo walks out of it, her eyes go impossibly widen, right Jaebum still just on his underwear.

“Oh my god! What are you-- Youngjae? What the--” she can’t even form complete sentences, any other moment Youngjae would mock her but right now he is the one being mocked by life itself, last night he didn’t care if even his neighbors heard them but now he’s almost having a heart attack to just over the possibility that Momo and Nayeon heard them, that they know.

“Why do you always look so surprised when you see me?” Jaebum doesn’t seem bothered by the fact that his almost naked talking to a girl he barely knows after spending the night with her best friend.

“Because I am always surprised seeing you, did you spend the night here… with Youngjae? Did he Youngjae?” Her face is somehow funny, she looks horrified. Then Nayeon is hugging her girlfriend from behind kissing her on the cheek and looking at them cutely. 

“Don’t be silly, baby, why else would he be walking naked so early in the morning to our bathroom if he didn’t sleep over.” She kisses Momo’s cheeks again, Momo’s face is really starting to worry Youngjae, “Good morning, boys,” Nayeon is smiling so sweetly at them, which is fake, such a fake smile. 

“Good mor--”

“It’s nothing like that, Jaebum just-- we were working on our project and we got tired so he slept over it was just that, we were tired because we worked hard,” he lies effortlessly, Jaebum looks surprised by it.

Nayeon laughs way too loudly it’s too early for this, “oh, I’m sure it was hard.” It makes everyone Momo and her laugh, Youngjae almost feels like telling the truth if she seems like she doesn’t mind like that, but he can’t trust, she’s playing him, he knows how disappointed she would be on him, the shit she would say, no, better to not say anything.

“Yeah huh, I have to take a shower, you get ready I will give you three a lift,” Jaebum says walking into the bathroom, he looks upset but Youngjae has a feeling it isn’t because of Nayeon or Momo.

“That was fast, I thought you would make him work harder for the D.” Nayeon isn’t laughing anymore, he knew it.

“Ugh, stop that Yeonnie, we didn’t do anything we really just fell asleep. It was just that,”

Momo is so relieved anyone would think she is Youngjae’s girlfriend, “that’s good, but I thought--” she whispers so Jaebum can’t hear them, he wouldn’t be able to anyways, “I thought you didn’t like him and that the thing was ‘weird’ with all the staring and the girlfriend…”

“Baby, did you really believe that? Just the way Jaebum looks at Jae is pathetic, that boy is pinning and he is pinning hard. I almost, almost feel sorry for him.”

“Guys… he does not, he’s just a classmate who had to spend the night, please go get ready so we can leave, please.” Yes Youngjae is begging he doesn’t care at all, he just wants them to fucking let it go. If he thinks about it a little more he will be the one crying, because he thinks he might really like Jaebum and this entire situation is starting to hurt him, badly.

“Whatever you say, Jae. Come on, baby,” they go to Nayeon’s room and Youngjae goes to the kitchen get himself some coffee, and prepare something, read cereals, to Jaebum, he worries it will be too little for an athlete but then he tells himself he doesn’t care. He does.  

The drive to the university isn’t awkward at all, even though Momo is constantly worried about Jaebum cheating on his girlfriend with Youngjae they talk and joke together non-stop, Youngjae can’t help smiling at them, he could never imagine that they would hit it off so easily and so fast, they are not similar at all and yet they look like longtime friends. They get there pretty quickly since they live so close to the campus, Jaebum leaves Momo at the biology department and Nayeon wasn’t supposed to stay here but she decides that she will so she can spend more time with her girlfriend.

Jaebum drives Youngjae to the Sociology building, Youngjae has to get off the car so Jaebum can drive off to wherever is it that he has to go but Youngjae can’t stop staring at the older boy, he looks so good on Youngjae clothes, he has his own jacket on but he is wearing a white shirt Youngjae lent him and light blue jeans, it’s so simple but he looks so good Youngjae wants to keep looking, that’s all he can do now, look. He gets the stares now.

“We are here,” Jaebum says obviously.

“Yes, right. Thanks for the ride… We have a reunion with Aria Friday after class but I think we should meet before that so we can plan and revise some stuff, when are you free?” They could talk about it through text later, but Youngjae doesn’t want to leave just yet, which is the first step for him to fuck up.

The look on Jaebum’s face is happy but then his face falls, it all happens so fast Youngjae almost doesn’t catch it, “can we talk about what happened?”

“When are you free for the project thing only, Jaebum?” Yeah, talking to him like that hurts, hurts Youngjae and probably hurts Jaebum too but what choice does he have here? None.

Jaebum looks decided but then he doesn’t talk about they having sex at all, “tomorrow I have a thing… I will try to revise it by myself so you don’t have to worry. I wish I could see you before Friday.”

Youngjae will ignore the last part, they don’t have to see each other if it’s not about the project, “okay, well don’t worry about it, I can revise some stuff too, it’s not a problem. I will see you Friday. Have a good day and all,” things are even more awkward than before, of course, they are. Before he can get out Jaebum is holding on his arm, again with the holding and the touching.

“I’ll make things right, I promise you...  I’ll--” Jaebum looks straight into his eyes, for some unknown reason it makes Youngjae feel like kissing him, he obviously doesn’t. 

“Yeah, maybe, we will see about that, alright? I have to go now, bye Jaebum.” The boy doesn’t feel like believing him, he just says what he gotta say. Youngjae doesn’t look at Jaebum again he just walks out, Youngjae doesn’t look back not even once but he knows that Jaebum doesn’t leave, the car still there till he gets into the building, he feels eyes on him till he is inside.

  
  


*

  
  
  


“What’s the deal with you and Jaebum?” Youngjae and Jackson are walking to their Anthropology of religion class, and the question makes Youngjae slow down his pace. Jackson can’t know about them he can’t because Youngjae didn’t say anything and Nayeon wouldn’t, she just wouldn’t. Yet is like people just need to look at him to know exactly what is going on.

“What-- what do you mean our deal?” He goes to nonchalant, but Jackson isn’t paying much attention to him anyways he is looking down at his phone with a funny expression.

“I don’t know dude, the last time I was hanging at their place all he could talk about was you like he kept asking me questions about you and I thought it was weird because you said you just know him from the library, so I wondered I don’t know.”

“Huh, you see we have a class together and we’re working on a project so it’s probably why he kept asking about me,” it sounds like a lame excuse, it makes no sense to Jaebum to ask questions about Youngjae because of a project, he knows that but he hopes Jackson is too distracted to say anything. He doesn’t say anything for a minute and Youngjae thinks he doesn’t have anything else to say, but he does.

“It’s kinda weird though if he didn’t have a girlfriend I’d think he wants to fuck you.” Jackson laughs at the thought and Youngjae tries to laugh with him but it isn’t funny, “he is such a frat bro though, don’t you think? Maybe he wants to befriend you now that I’m taking Jinyoung and Mark all to myself, like a revenge thing.”

“What?” And now Jackson is the one slowing down his pace till he stops completely and the boy is blushing furiously, “what do you mean taking Mark and Jinyoung all to yourself? Jackson?”

But Jackson won’t look at him, he is looking at anything but at Youngjae his face a deep shade of red, “So-- I was going to tell you but I didn’t know how,”

“Jackson, you didn’t know how to tell me something? Are they part of another fraternity? Come on what is it?” Jackson doesn’t give him a smile he was expecting for actually, he looks like he wants to run away from Youngjae, “come on, bro, you know I’ll support you no matter what, tell me what is it, yeah?” Youngjae squeezes Jackson shoulders hoping that it will help the Chinese boy to gain back his confidence, after a few seconds he sighs and looks at Youngjae like he is embarrassed by something.

“I might like them both like I don’t even know how it happened but Mark is so sweet to me like both of them are, and you know boys never treat me sweetly they always act like I’m tough and don’t need to be taken care of but… you know that I do and-- I kinda have a date with both of them tonight. Do you think that it’s weird?” Jackson is looking at Youngjae like a kid ready to get scolded by his parents, it makes Youngjae’s heart hurt.

“No, of course, it isn’t weird, Jacks.” Youngjae side hugs his best friend giving him a tiny smile, “you know having two boyfriends must be something else, you’re right two people to spoil you… ah, maybe I should be against it you’re already too spoiled as it is.” It makes Jackson smile even if it’s not his big smile. “They don’t have a problem with it, that you like them both?”

“Huh-- you see… they kinda like each other as well, I guess?” Jackson is getting quieter and it’s worrying Youngjae because he is never quiet.

“Hey, I really think it’s a good thing if it’s what all of you want if you think that you will be happy like that I’m here to support you, yeah?” They are still side hugging like two clingy idiots. “I think it’s just important that you never feel like you’re being left out since they are best friends and have known each other since they were little kids,”

“You always worried about my heart, aren’t you Youngjae? Such a sweet friend,” Jackson gets emotional over small things like that, “don’t worry about it, we talked about it and we will always talk these things out to make sure that there won’t be jealousy or anything between the three of us… how do you know that they have been friends for such a long time anyway?”

Youngjae had to say too much of course he had, “Jaebum mentioned that they lived all next to each other, that their family still do,” Jackson is looking at him like the cat that got the cream, “he was just saying it, okay? He talks a lot, anyways we should walk to class because we’re going to be so late otherwise.” Youngjae lets go of Jackson and start walking quickly not waiting for the other boy to catch up.

“Hey, wait, hey, Choi Youngjae! Are you two getting close? Because Jaebum doesn’t talk a lot he’s kinda quiet, right? Why would he tell you stories about his childhood, don’t you think this is weird when you’re not even friends? There's also all the questions he makes...” it’s like he’s putting two and two together, which is dangerous for Youngjae.

“Ah, Jackson, I don’t think this is weird I told him about Nayeon too this is not big deal, I know about literally every friend you have ever had in your life, please walk faster and stop annoying me with all the Jaebum talk.” Jackson is narrowing his eyes at Youngjae, of course, he is because Youngjae is a dumbass and he shouldn’t get so defensive, now Jackson will think something is up for sure.

They don’t talk about it anymore though, soon they get in class and at lunch time all Jackson can talk about is this date he will have with Jinyoung and Mark later. Youngjae is grateful for that, he doesn’t want to think about Jaebum.

Youngjae is making some revisions on the theoric part of their advertising and journalism project, this project is taking too much of his time and it’s not like he doesn’t have other stuff to worry about so he thinks he has to take it out of his way already. It’s good though, he is quite excited about this project because he thinks it’s something important, he thinks that talking about adoption of pets in something important and that making people aware of the importance of the work volunteers do is something even more important. Maybe not everyone can adopt a pet but their project can encourage people to help shelters and to adopt as their first option.

Maybe Youngjae is being way too optimistic, it’s just a uni project and people won’t really be influenced by it, it’s not like they would be changing the world and also the professor idea is not being something good or right or anything, it doesn’t matter really what matters is if you’ll be able to convince people to do what you want. Youngjae thinks that if they play their cards right they will be able to do it. People love drama, so he is thinking about putting a lot of sad stories on the project, it will be awesome. Maybe a little sensationalist, but well.

“Oh, Jackson posted such a cute picture on his Instagram, oh my god he looks so cute, look at it, Jae.” They are all at the living room, Youngjae even forgot the girls were here too, they are being silent for a change and he was so immersed in his research.  

“Huh?” He isn’t paying attention, he thinks it’s something about Jackson and pictures.

“Ah, so cute, check Jackson’s Instagram account, Jae. He is out with a Jinyoung and with another boy, hum a Mark Tuan, they are all so cute,” Nayeon is way too excited about it, he guesses she is too bored to be this happy about something like that, but he is getting tired anyways so he can check it. Momo is looking at the pictures and doing weird noises, it probably means she thinks it’s cute too.

When he sees it he almost join them and coos over it, it is a cute photo. They are at some nice place, probably expensive as fuck, they are at a big table but you can’t see much of that, all you can see is Jackson being sandwiched by Mark and Jinyoung, Jackson is in the middle and which one of them is kissing one of his cheeks, Jackson looks so happy with them Youngjae feels like a proud mother. He likes the photo and then leaves a comment ‘the guy getting the kisses is so handsome, take good care of him’ it’s cheesy, but Jackson will like it.

Then Youngjae checks what other of his friends have been posting, he likes some stuff, his sister posted a lot of photos of his niece, she is the cutest little girl ever. When he is getting fed up with the app already he sees that Jackson has liked his comment and sent him a direct message telling him that he loves Youngjae just so much and that they have to hang out soon so he can tell him all about his date. Jackson is so cute too.

Youngjae notes that Jackson has liked a bunch of photos most of them are fencing jokes and memes that Youngjae can’t understand, but then he sees it. Jackson liked a photo of Jaebum, but it is on another person's account, Angela The Girlfriend. She posted a picture of them on a romantic setting, obviously on a date, Youngjae feels his stomach lurching, so that was the thing Jaebum had.

It’s none of Youngjae business and he shouldn’t do it but he does anyway, he looks at Angela’s account and he is about to puke on his phone, so apparently she is also part of a fraternity house and she is a cheerleader, oh my god how fucking cliche he can’t believe that Jaebum is the soccer team captain and is dating a blonde cheerleader. This is like high school like Youngjae went back in time and now he has a crush on someone he will never have. Not that he has a crush on Jaebum, crush is a stupid word, and he can kind of accept that he likes Jaebum at this point.

Angela’s account has so many pictures Youngjae thinks she lives to do that, she seems to be always partying with other blonde girls, and they are all so pretty Youngjae wants to cry he doesn’t know why he cares. There are also a lot, really a lot, of selfies she took with Jaebum. Youngjae wasn’t wrong he always saw them together around the campus and judging by the number of pictures here they are always together. Jaebum doesn’t look overly happy in any of the pictures but he is always smiling and always have his arm around Angela’s waist. Right.

Youngjae really, really feels like crying, he locks his phone and stares at the ceiling, he feels two or three tears rolling down his face, this is ridiculous, pathetic even, he knew about it, even before he talked to Jaebum he already knew that the boy had a girlfriend but seeing it like that is totally different. They are not even together and yet Youngjae feels like he was cheated on as if he has the right to. He shouldn’t have treated himself to some Jaebum time, stupid idiot, he shouldn’t have lent him his clothes, or let him spend the night or fuck him he definitely shouldn’t have fuck him or treated him to fucking pizza, god he shouldn’t even go to that dumb Mexican restaurant with the other boy in the first place.

Youngjae was being so dumb ignoring the fact that Jaebum can’t be his, that the boy has a girlfriend and no they won’t be together like he asked Youngae.  He was so dumb he wants to cry harder, he should go to his room and just cry till he is empty.

“Hey, baby, what’s wrong with you, baby?” Youngjae can’t look at Nayeon or he will cry even more, god why is he overreacting like that? “Talk to me, Jae, what’s wrong? Baby, I’m here talk to me, please.” Nayeon is sitting beside him now, tiny body hugging his body closer to hers, he doesn’t see Momo cause he can’t open his eyes, he can’t.

“It’s nothing, Yeonnie, guess I’m a bit tired and-- I miss my mom as well,”

“You don’t have to lie to me, Jae, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it but don’t lie to me. Let’s have some ice cream, whatever is on your mind we can talk about it later. Let’s have some best friends bonding time, yeah? No boys allowed on our little heads, me and Momo have some advantage over you on this,” Nayeon laughs softly playing with his fringe.

Youngjae can’t help smiling a little, some tears still fall down but he doesn’t feel like crying till he doesn’t have more tears on his body, he hugs Nayeon and then Momo is hugging his back, they must look like crazy weirdos he doesn’t care he is just glad he has them with him.

They get lots of ice cream, Youngjae thinks he is going to be sick, Momo does and Nayeon holds her hair back while she throws up. They sleep the three of them together on Nayeon’s way larger than Youngjae’s bed, and it feels nice. He dreams of cute cats with tiny moles on top of their eyes.

Youngjae is late for all his classes Friday, he cried himself to sleep last night like an idiot, he only got three hours of sleep and he feels like death itself. Jaebum texted him a bunch of times, some texts were related to the project and others not, he wanted to hang out with Youngjae after their reunion with Aria, which was dumb is Friday night he should hang out with his girlfriend and with his friends. Youngjae only replied to the texts related to their project.

He was so late he doesn’t even know if Jaebum is in class, Youngjae didn’t have time to check at the end of the class he was looking around and spotted the other guy, Jaebum looks so beautiful, he has Youngjae’s shirt on, and what is that for? If he wants to make Youngjae weak on the knees he is succeeding, even if he’s miserable.

“Hey, Youngj-- are you okay? You look tired, did something happen?” His voice is soft, Youngjae starts walking out of the room so they don’t stay there talking like idiots like the first time. He hates that Jaebum cares, he doesn’t want him to care.

“I’m fine, just too much work to do, I have a big presentation for next week so I’m a little stressed out but I’m doing just fine, thank you. I texted Aria already, she is waiting for us.” They didn’t stop walking and Youngjae didn’t look at Jaebum either, they are classmates working together and this is all they are going to be, they don’t have to talk much.

The ride to the shelter is back to being awkward, Youngjae doesn’t say anything and Jaebum tries to engage in conversation but Youngjae won’t even reply, he doesn’t want to be a dickhead but there’s a lump on his throat, if he opens his mouth a sob might come out of it and this is the last thing he wants.

The reunion with Aria goes without any troubles, they define the days they will be coming over to work with the animals so they can make the photos to the photoshoot and shoot the commercial, they should go to other shelters around the city on the next weeks and then they should be part of the rescues so Jaebum can shoot it too for the short film, there’s a lot of stuff to do but now they have a schedule so everything seems to be in order, it’s satisfactory, Youngjae is happy with everything, apart from the fact that he and Jaebum will be always together at least until the end of this whole thing, that he hates.

“Are you hungry I can get us something to eat,” Jaebum says when he is driving Youngjae back to his apartment, Youngjae just mumbles a ‘no’ and Jaebum sighs, he didn’t talk about hanging out again he probably gave up since Youngjae is obviously not in the mood.

When they get to the apartment complex Youngjae tries opening the car door but Jaebum hasn’t unlocked it yet, “can you unlock it so I can get home already? I’m pretty tired,”

“I can understand it if you’re having a bad day but I don’t know why you’re acting like that, it’s not my fault,” Jaebum says looking at Youngjae but Youngjae is looking out of the window, god he just wants to get out of here. Yeah, it’s all Jaebum’s fault, he should know it’s his fault.

“Acting like what? I didn’t do anything I just want to go to my apartment take a shower and sleep, how is this hurting your big ego?” Youngjae’s voice is so dismissive, good. 

“Fuck-- it’s that some type of hot and cold game? One day you… one day you fucking fuck me then the next day, you won’t even talk to me and act like an asshole, come on Youngjae this is a little childish.” Jaebum says louder than it’s necessary.

Youngjae looks at Jaebum and now he is the angry one, Jaebum doesn’t look angry he looks tired but Youngjae is angry, he is just so angry, who Jaebum thinks he is to be calling him childish? “Dude, don’t flatter yourself, maybe not everything is about you, you know? Maybe I don’t care enough to play a hot and cold game with you, maybe it’s just that I don’t care at all but you do a bit too much about the way I talk to you, don’t you think? Just unlock the goddamn door, Jaebum.” But he doesn’t.

“Maybe I care too much about-- fuck you, I’m trying here, all I’m doing since we first met is trying, if you hate my guts maybe you shouldn’t have agreed to work with me, maybe you shouldn’t be talking to me at all and maybe you shouldn’t have fucked with me either.” But Jaebum looks hurt by the idea. Youngjae is done with him playing the victim card.

“Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t, unlock the door and I will get out of your sight,” Youngjae is done with this talk, he doesn’t care if Jaebum doesn’t want to work with him anymore he doesn’t care he just want to get out of this stupid car.

“Goddamnit, Youngjae… I have practice tomorrow at ten o’clock, be there,” it makes Youngjae laugh bitterly, he must be out of his mind.

“Why the hell would I do that for, Jaebum? I don’t care, remember?”

Then Jaebum’s face is close to his, impossibly close, if Youngjae leans in even a little bit they will be kissing again, “because you do care, because I know you do and because I want to you there watching me,” Youngjae can’t even breathe with Jaebum’s face so close to his, how did they get here they were fighting two seconds ago. “After it, we are going to have lunch together, yeah? Be there.” Then Jaebum isn’t as close anymore, he’s leaning on his seat and he unlocks the door without saying anything.

“I won’t be there, I do not care. Have a good life,” Youngjae smashes the door closed and walks to his apartment without looking back. He hates Jaebum and he won’t go to no practice, he doesn’t care, he will sleep in as he deserves. He won’t be going.

But Youngjae is stupid, that’s what he is that’s the only explanation to what he is doing, it’s half past eleven on a Saturday morning and he should be in the warmth of his home, but instead he is at the soccer field watching a bunch of sweaty men running after a ball and yelling at each other like beasts. He can see the cheerleaders at the other side of the field, they are practicing too, they seem to be starting to work on their new choreography, Youngjae would be interested in it if he could take his eyes off Jaebum.

If Youngjae wasn't feeling like death itself he would be appreciating Jaebum’s figure as well he’s sweaty, his clothes are sticking to his body and it should be something nice to watch but he can’t pay attention to it, not to it. Jaebum has scored a lot of goals already, Youngjae thinks practice is different from a real game, no one would score this amount of goals on a real play.

Youngjae got here way past ten, he didn’t want to come, he still doesn’t know why he came, but he saw Jaebum’s eyes when he looked at the bleachers and his eyes laid on Youngjae. Jaebum gave him the prettiest smile Youngjae has ever seen and he waved at him, there were other people watching the practice too and it made Youngjae embarrassed still he waved back reluctantly. Jaebum didn’t catch the ball when one of his teammates tried passing it to him and then they were yelling at each other. Youngjae guesses they yell a lot on soccer.

A loud whistle goes off after some time and it almost gives Youngjae a heart attack he wasn’t paying attention to anything, in particular, just feeling the cold wind hit his face, making a mess of his hair. The whistle seemed to announce the end of the practice cause all the players are leaving the field and getting something to drink, Youngjae sees Jaebum running towards the cheerleaders and his stomach drops, of course.

He wants to yell at himself, nice doing Youngjae you walked yourself into that. But Jaebum says whatever he has to say to his girlfriend quickly and none of them look pleased with each other, Jaebum just runs off on Youngjae’s direction, Youngjae’s heartbeat goes wild, shit.

“I thought you said you weren’t coming,” Jaebum says sitting close to Youngjae a smirk on his face, is he really teasing Youngjae after their argument last night? The nerve.

“You’re all sweaty, dude, you don’t have to sit this close to me,” Youngjae slides on the bench getting away from Jaebum but the other boy slides too keeping their proximity, he is so annoying Youngjae is not in the mood for games.

“I need to take a shower then we can go, you can wait for me in my car, it’s in the parking lot,” Jaebum hands him his car keys, Youngjae wasn’t expecting that.

“What about your girlfriend--” he worriedly looks at where the cheerleaders are packing their stuff.

“Forget about her for a second, ok? I’m having lunch with you, not with her, wait for me in my car, it’s too cold out here I don’t want you catching a cold. I will be there in no time, you won’t even see it,” Jaebum looks like he wants to lean in and do something Youngjae doesn’t know what, but he just puts his hand on Youngjae’s thigh and squeezes it quickly before letting go.  

Youngjae finds Jaebum’s car easily, there are not a lot of cars here not too many people come here by car, Jaebum lives at the campus, Youngjae supposes he came in his car because they were going to go out after practice. It’s stupid he couldn’t be sure that Youngjae was coming, yet he knew and here Youngjae is.

Inside the car is so warm, so good, Youngjae stares at the ceiling thinking about what he is doing here, about the decisions he is making, they all seem dumb like he isn’t thinking straight even for a second, all he is thinking about is seeing Jaebum, being next to him. From the corner of his eyes he sees Angela walking down the parking lot with three other blonde girls, they lock eyes and Youngjae feels like pretending he is dead. God, Jaebum cheated on the girl with him, he’s not this type of person, at least he wasn’t supposed to be.

He doesn’t pretend to be dead though and it wouldn’t work anyways, suddenly she and the other girls are walking towards Jaebum’s car, Youngjae feels like he is going to be hit by a betrayed wife. Angela knocks softly on the window car and Youngjae has no option but rolling it down, “hey, Youn-- Youn-- what was your name again? Sorry, I’m not good with foreign names.”

“Your boyfriend has a Korean name tough, how are you not good with it? it’s Youngjae,” she is smiling sweetly at him, she hates him, Youngjae can see it in her eyes.

“Right, Youngjae… where’s Jaebum why are you in his car by yourself?” The other girls look bored and cold, Youngjae is sorry for them but not as much as he should.

“He is at the locker room,” Youngjae smiles at her just as sweetly he hates her as well, it’s not her fault that she has everything Youngjae wants to have to himself but he can’t help it, he hates her face. “He gave me the key so I could wait for him since it’s cold outside, aren’t you girls cold?”

“Yes, thank you I’m freezing here, let’s go already, Angela. Who cares about who Jaebum lets in his car,” a short blonde girl says hugging her arms around herself trying to block the cold wind.

“He must like you a lot, Youngjae.” Angela's voice is sweet but she looks like she wants to take Youngjae out of her boyfriend’s car with her own hands. “It’s funny that--”

Before she can finish whatever is it that she was about to say Jaebum is at the other side of the car opening the door and getting in, “hey, girls, isn’t it too cold to be standing outside just like that?”

“Right? I was just telling Angela the same thing,” short girl starts again but Jaebum doesn’t care about her answer obviously.

“I’d offer a lift but there’s four of you and only three seats available, guess you all should go already so you won’t catch a cold, see you, girls.” Angela is about to say something but Jaebum rolls the window up and Youngjae is left open-mouthed. Jaebum doesn’t spare them another look he leaves the parking lot looking ahead only.

“I’m glad you came, I really hoped you would come but I was afraid you wouldn’t,” Jaebum says after some time they’ve been driving and Youngjae has no idea where they are going to, they are off the campus already.

“I wasn’t going to but I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t have anything better to do so I thought to myself why not freeze my ass off on the field’s bleachers while I watch some sweaty men running after a ball like crazy idiots?” Youngjae says seriously staring ahead as well. Jaebum laughs softly.

“Are you into that? Watching men running around?”

“Not really… just men in general,” Jaebum doesn’t say anything to that. “Aren’t you?”

Then the smile is dropping from his face, he looks serious, maybe Youngjae shouldn’t be asking this,  maybe Nayeon was right maybe he doesn’t have it figured out just yet and maybe he even needs help with it, but Youngjae isn’t responsible for helping him out. Either way, he shouldn’t press Jaebum. 

 

Jaebum looks at him and Youngjae can’t read this look, but he wants to, God he wants to understand what Jaebum is trying to say to him so hard, he wants to but then Jaebum is looking ahead again his hand returning to the steering wheel. “We are here,”

And ‘here’ seems to be a fancy place, everything is huge and Youngjae didn’t even notice that they were getting in a fancy neighborhood. “This is a bit too much isn’t it?”

“Nah, it’s chill, Mark’s parents own it. The food here is delicious, you will love it.” They are walking out of the car and it’s so cold, god it’s February already shouldn’t it be getting at least a little warmer? Youngjae guesses he still isn’t used to the weather here. Jaebum is walking close to him, then he holds Youngjae's hand on his trying to warm it up, it’s nice, Youngjae won’t protest just because it’s cold.

Inside the restaurant is so warm, it’s like they entered another country, another season altogether, it’s warm but Jaebum doesn’t let go of his hand. Youngjae should say something but he doesn’t. “Jaebum, long time no see, no Mark or Jinyoungie today?”

“No Mark and no Jinyoung today Papa, just me and Youngjae. Youngjae this is Mr. Tuan the place owner, Papa this is Youngjae he is my friend from college,” Youngjae shakes Mr. Tuan hand but Jaebum doesn’t let go of his other hand. Isn’t it weird to him? Holding hands with a boy when he has a girlfriend? Mr. Tuan gives them a knowing look but doesn’t comment on it, he just walks them to a table, the settings are kinda romantic, Youngjae shouldn’t be here, he should leave right now.

Mr. Tuan let them know that someone will be coming to their table so they will be able to order their food soon. “Jaebum, why are you here? Don’t give me a ‘to eat’ answer or I’m walking away.”

Jaebum sighs exasperated, “Don’t overthink it, Jae. It’s just us, just you and me here. Can’t we enjoy it for once? Can you just not think about what it means just this time? I just want to be here with you,”

This is too much though, Youngjae can’t just turn off his brain, he can’t tell it to not overthink to just let it flow, he can’t risk his heart just because Jaebum is asking him to and yet. “Fine, but--”

“No, no ‘but’ just enjoy it.” Jaebum is looking at him like he means much more like he wants to say a lot of things to Youngjae that he can’t as if he wants Youngjae to understand everything he can’t say just by looking at his eyes. But Youngjae can’t, this is not how it works, Youngjae can’t read his mind, he can’t but he can enjoy having lunch with Jaebum maybe just this time.

They order something fancy with a name too difficult to pronounce that Jaebum tells Youngjae it’s one of the best things he has ever had, and it’s pretty good indeed, Youngjae feels like it’s heaven. They talk a lot, it’s light and fun, they don’t talk about girlfriends or what they are doing or responsibilities, just things about themselves.

Jaebum tells Youngjae that he has a cat, her name is Nora and she lives at his parents’ place and that he goes down there at least once a week to see her. Nora was a rescue and Jaebum has some marks on his arm from the times he tried feeding some stray cats, Youngjae can’t believe it, he would never look at Jaebum and say this guy likes cat and has a soft heart but apparently he does.

And it’s funny that Youngjae was the one who came up with the idea for the project when Jaebum obviously knows way more than him about the subject, he tells Youngjae that this is why he agreed to it and why he wants to make the short movie so he can show people how things can be hard to volunteers on the streets. Youngjae thinks he is beautiful.

Jaebum is so beautiful, he is a beautiful person inside and out, and that’s what Youngjae was so scared of, he didn’t want to get to know Jaebum because he was just so scared that he would be more than a frat boy who plays soccer and dates a cheerleader, and yes he is all these things but he is much more, he is also a sweet boy who loves cats, who makes lame jokes, who has the best smile Youngjae has ever seen, he is a good person, plain and simple. Jaebum is a good person and Youngjae likes him.

Jaebum pays for the bill on the restaurant and Youngjae doesn’t even try to protest he wouldn’t have the money to pay for half of it anyways. They walk to a park nearby the restaurant and it’s so beautiful, it was made for rich people obviously is peaceful and everyone here is so pretty too walking their dogs, having picnics or just hanging with a group of friends, it’s so different from the park Youngjae goes with the girls near the campus.

Jaebum hugs him from behind while they watch the ducks swimming on the lake, he interlocks their fingers together and Youngjae wants to say something about how this is not appropriate but Jaebum did tell him to forget about Angela and that it was just the two of them today. It’s stupid he should not forget about something so important, but he can feel Jaebum’s heartbeat on his back, he can feel his cold nose brushing against his cheeks and it just feels so good, he doesn’t want to think about right or wrong right now.

“Jaebum,” Youngjae whispers even though he doesn’t need to.

“Yeah?” Jaebum’s voice is soft on his ear, Youngjae wants to stay here for the rest of his life.

“Hold me tighter will you?” And he does, he hugs Youngjae so tight to his chest the boy thinks he is going to break his ribs and that he won’t be able to breathe right ever again in his life. But Youngjae doesn’t care.

Youngjae has never felt so warm and content before, Jaebum makes him feel weird but he also makes him feel like Youngjae can do anything he wants. Youngjae has never liked anyone, he had crushes and when he was fourteen he was sure he had met the love of his life, but he didn't. He doesn't want to admit it, he can't tell it to anyone but the way Jaebum is making him feel, as if his insides are melting as if there are butterflies all over his stomach… he never felt like that, he doesn't know what to make of it, he is scared yeah, but not enough to back off.

Jaebum drives him home and walks him to the door, he didn't have to, they both know he didn't but he does anyway, “it was good, right? We should do it more often…” Jaebum is standing very close to Youngjae. The boy has his back to the door and there isn't much space for him to breathe, it's overwhelming. “It's nice when you don't try to push me away, isn't it?”

Jaebum’s hand come to the back of Youngjae's neck as he strokes it slowly, his fingers aren't as cold as Youngjae expected them to be, “Ah-- Jaebum I think you should leave now.” Jaebum makes a face, Youngjae has no idea why he has to reassure the boy, he shouldn't care. “I'm not pushing you away, stop with the sad face. I'm just tired and you must be too… it was a lot for a day, yeah? We can see each other another time.”

“You're so beautiful, do you know that? Your eyes are so pretty… everything. Everything about you.” Jaebum's eyes trace all of his features, his face is impossibly close to Youngjae's there's no space for Youngjae to go, he can't even move with Jaebum's body blocking his. “Thanks for spending the day with me, Jae. I will see you Monday.” And then Jaebum is leaning in and Youngjae can't breathe, he can't--

He kisses Youngjae right at his left cheek, way too close to the corner of Youngjae's mouth, his lips are so soft, Youngjae didn't know someone could have lips soft like that, his breath so warm, Youngjae feels his body getting hot. Jaebum takes a step back but it isn't much, “Bye, Youngjae.”

Jaebum leans in again and kisses over the same spot and then he is leaving, just like that he leaves. Youngjae wants to cry why is Jaebum playing him like that? He knows Youngjae likes him it's obvious that he likes Jaebum at least a tiny bit, no one can be this blind literally anyone can see it and even though Jaebum isn't interested in being with him for real he’s taking Youngjae to have fancy lunches at fancy restaurants, taking him to romantic parks, why would he even do that, Youngjae really, really feels powerless against him.

He walks into the apartment feeling dead inside, he was feeling so good two seconds ago feeling Jaebum's lips on his skin and now he is miserable thinking about all the bad decisions he is making, he knows they are bad and that he still can do something about it but… he won't. He will keep making them because he is already way too deep into Jaebum and he doesn't want an out.

If Jaebum just wants to play him well then be it, Youngjae will be played. Youngjae will be whatever Jaebum wants him to be. Nayeon was right, Jaebum makes Youngjae feel like he should risk everything as if he's worth the risk. Maybe he isn't but right now Youngjae will risk everything he has.

 

Monday they have lunch together again before going to the shelter, it's light and they don't talk about what happened Saturday, Youngjae couldn't be more grateful he doesn't know if he is ready to acknowledge how it all made him feel, not out loud anyway.

Youngjae is so happy at the shelter, he loves dogs and he feels like a kid, he never had a pet in his life and now there's a bunch here. At Aria's shelter there are only dogs but they will visit a shelter that takes care of cats Thursday, Jaebum is excited he didn't say anything but Youngjae can see his eyes shining, it's cute.

Youngjae started taking pictures already, it really is like a photoshoot the dogs are his models and they even dress them and play with different scenarios, it's hard because dogs aren't exactly like people and sometimes they get too excited and won't stop running and jumping other times they are just not in the mood and will give Youngjae their backs. It's hard and it's complicated but Youngjae loves every second of it, Jaebum helps him and he is good with animals too, there's nothing he can't do apparently. They have lots of fun and it's tiring but it's also so good, Youngjae feels like he is doing a good thing and it makes everything worth it.

When Jaebum drives him home is already pretty late and he is not thinking straight so he leans in and kisses Jaebum on the cheek, it's fast and he doesn't realize what he did till Jaebum holds him and doesn't let him go. He kisses Youngjae's cheek back and whispers that he will see him tomorrow.

He does, actually, they see each other every day that week, Youngjae is having lunch with Jackson, Mark and Jinyoung are there, as usual, they are disgustingly sweet but them Jaebum is there too, sitting beside Youngjae and joking with Jackson.

“Ah, Jaebum are you trying to steal my best friend?” Jackson asks with his mouth full, his voice is serious but Youngjae knows he is just joking around.

“Haven't you stole both of mine? I think it's just fair, don't you, Jae?” Jaebum looks at him with a lot of heat in his eyes, Youngjae won't blush here, he won't.

Youngjae doesn't feel like replying to it but Jackson does, “he already has two best friends I think three will be a bit too much, don't you, Jae?”

Youngjae rolls his eyes at Jackson, “I already have three best friends, Momo is my number two you come after her,”

Jackson looks offended like truly offended now, good now he has something else to focus on. “She what-- before me? You can't do that Youngjae!” Youngjae can't help laughing his friend is so stupid, he actually loves the three of them he doesn't care about titles or about who comes before who but he likes teasing Jackson and it's just too easy sometimes.

“Don't worry, Jackson. Your third place is safe, I'm not trying to become Youngjae's best friend,” Jaebum winks at Youngjae a smug smirk on his face.

“What do you want then? I mean you two are always together and--”

“Jaebum is an idiot he is just teasing you Jackson let it go,” Mark stops him trying to distract his boyfriend, he starts talking about something else and Jackson engages on it but he keeps stealing looks eyeing how close Jaebum and Youngjae are sitting together.

This is dumb, Jackson is Youngjae's best friend he should tell him about his feelings towards Jaebum, he should tell the girls too. He knows this is a mess and he knows they will worry but the doesn't want to go through it by himself. He doesn't know what 'it’ is but he needs his friends with him, the thing is he feels embarrassed not because of his feelings but because of what they’re doing, about how shameless he is being about it.

Youngjae and Jaebum spend the entire week together, they got to two shelters and it melts Youngjae’s heart seeing Jaebum play with the cats, he looks at them with so much love it's endearing. Jaebum says he wishes he could adopt more cats but since he isn’t living at home right now and he has plans for the future he shouldn’t put too much work on his parents, but that he will when he can.

Two weeks go like that they visit two more shelters the next week and Youngjae takes a lot of pictures, he is starting to work on the website already but they still didn’t start on the short movie, they will make interviews too but the work is going nicely.

“I have practice tomorrow as well, just like last time… will you come to see me?” It feels like a deja vu exactly like two weeks ago, they are outside Youngjae’s apartment complex and Jaebum is staring at his eyes.

“I don’t know, Jaebum... should we even be doing this?”

“Doing what? We aren’t doing anything… Weren’t you the one saying I have a big ego, I’d like you there so you can praise me afterward.” He says, hot breath intoxicating Youngjae’s blood.

“I won’t praise you, Jaebum… but yeah I’ll go see you,” Youngjae says softly staring into Jaebum’s eyes as well, they are so beautiful.

“I will come to get you, so you don’t have to walk,” Jaebum says kissing softly at Youngjae’s cheek, this is kind of their thing now, Youngjae doesn’t get it but they are always kissing each other’s cheeks, it makes Youngjae blush.

“Okay, I will see you tomorrow, then.” Youngjae kisses Jaebum’s cheeks as well. Jaebum’s eyes are glued to his lips, so he does something he didn’t plan on, contrary to what he just said about not doing this he leans in again and kisses Jaebum, right on his lips. It takes Jaebum just about two seconds to react, he kisses Youngjae back without a second thought, hands on his neck bringing him closer.

After it ’s like they don’t have to say anything else because the kiss is like a statement that yeah, they are doing this. When he gets out of the car he can feel his legs shaking, lucky him Jaebum is right by his side. He walks him to the door of his apartment but then they’re kissing again, “I want to be with you, do you--”

“Yeah,” and so they do. They have sex again, there’s no excuse this time, it’s not because of alcohol messing them up, it isn’t because they’re horny sleeping in the same bed or anything like that, it’s because they want it. Just like they wanted it the other two times, but now they can’t find excuses for it.

“Hey,” Youngjae greets Jaebum getting into his car, he didn’t spend the night like last time because Youngae didn’t want his friends to get suspicious. He hated it though, it just felt so wrong having Jaebum leaving after they were so intimate together. Jaebum looks good, he got a haircut and his fringe is shorter, he looks like a little kid, it's not as cold as two weeks ago but he has his leather jacket on, “I like your hair.”

“Thank you, Jae. I like your face.” This is such a silly thing to say but it makes Youngjae blush, Nayeon was right when she said he never blushes he doesn't but with Jaebum he does a lot.

“That was lame,” he retorts.

“Yeah, yeah. Have you had breakfast already? I can get us something if you'd like,” Jaebum offers when they are passing by some bakeries, a light blush on his face too.

“I have eaten already thank you, have you?” Youngjae just asks to be polite he can't stop and buy Jaebum anything anyways.

“Yeah, now that we are having to practice more I have to be always attentive with my meals, with what I’m eating and stuff.” Jaebum has his eyes on the road and Youngjae is taking advantage of it to look at the boy's side profile, he is so beautiful like that, the sunlight lighting up his face just right, his jawline so strong, Youngjae is mesmerized and a little bit distracted.

After a few seconds, he realizes that he didn't say anything back, “huh, is your practicing schedule busier now?”

Jaebum smiles as if he knows Youngjae lost track of what they were talking about for a second, “Yeah now we are practicing three times a week but soon it will be six. It's quite tiring but I like it, I like how it makes me feel and how it makes me look, obviously,” he smirks at Youngjae.

“How is it-- being a captain I mean. Do you have any special responsibility? I don't really know how it works.”

Jaebum's eyes sparkle at that, like he is about to talk about something he really likes, “it's very hard, at first I thought I wouldn't be able to do it, too much responsibility, y'know? I have to take care of a bunch of guys and I have to put them first, I have to put the team first before myself and before anything else really. I thought I couldn't make it since I'm younger than some of my teammates and I don't know… I didn't feel like I was ready or would make a good job at it. Right now it’s easier, they trust me and I trust them back, everything I do is for the team. I really want to be a good leader to them.” He is passionate about his team, Youngjae thinks it's beautiful but he also seems a little self-conscious. Jaebum being self-conscious about something is a crazy concept for Youngjae's the boy always seems to be on top of his game with his cool image.

“I'm sure you're doing a good job, you were chosen for a reason, right? Also, you talk about it with so much love, I'm sure you put all this love on your work.”

“Thanks, sometimes… sometimes is hard…” Jaebum sighs, he looks so tired suddenly. “It's not just about doing a good job as a captain, I'm-- sometimes I don't know if I'm on the right path. This year's season is very important to me I might sign with a big team, one from the Major League Soccer, well that's what the coach said and my father too…”

“What's the problem? Isn't it something good?” Youngjae asks softly, Jaebum’s mood has dropped and Youngjae is sorry for asking about it, he couldn't know that he would get this reaction. He puts his hands on Jaebum's thigh.

Jaebum gives him a tentative smile, “It's… the things I have to do, the things that I have to give up on like I wish I could be a normal person sometimes but I-- it's complicated. I don't know what I want to do with myself. Sorry, I know it's too vague, it's hard for me talking about this.”

They are already at the parking lot of the soccer field but none of them try to get out of the car, they just stay there looking at each other. “I guess, everyone has these moments when they aren't sure if they made the right decision or something like that but, I guess… no, I'm sure this is something you want, you're obviously passionate about soccer and maybe you're scared because big things might happen this year to you, but you're hard working Jaebum, you shouldn't be scared, you will be ready. Sorry for asking about it, by the way, I didn't mean to make you sad or anything.”

“You didn't, don't worry.” Jaebum strokes Youngjae's cheek and leans in leaving a soft kiss there, “it's really hard for me…  talking about things sometimes, it's good knowing that you care, feeling like someone cares… We should get going now, I'm the captain I can't be late, let's go, yeah?”

Jaebum's face gets brighter, his big smile back on his face but Youngjae feels like it is not so genuine, it makes his heartache at the thought. The training goes fine, Youngjae thinks it does at least, no one gets hurt and it's probably something good, they all yell at each other pretty loudly.

There are also more people watching it this time, he thinks that by June these bleachers will be filled with people, they all seem happy and excited. Youngjae thinks it's a bit weird to be here by himself, everyone else seems to be with a group of friends and here he is all alone, he doesn't care much because he really likes seeing Jaebum on the field but it’s a bit weird.

Jaebum looks so happy playing, Youngjae has no idea from where all that insecurity is coming from, he is so good and it obviously makes him happy, he wishes he could help Jaebum, but he doesn't know what to do.

Angela and the other cheerleaders are there as well, he hasn't seen her around in the past two weeks, it's weird that he hangs out with her boyfriend so much and yet he never sees her, he isn't complaining though he would rather not see her at all, seeing her makes Youngjae’s chest hurt.

When the practice is over Jaebum doesn't go talk to Angela, he comes to Youngjae straight away, some people will stop him to greet the boy but soon he is sitting with Youngjae just as closes as the first time. “So, how did you like it?”

“Oh yeah, you wanted me to praise you, I almost forgot. Hum, let me see… you're really good at running after the ball, sometimes you're faster than it, I suppose this is impressive? I don't really know, you're also good at yelling, I could hear your voice all the way up here, definitely impressive.” Youngjae says with a serious face, Jaebum laughs loudly.

“You're a dick. We will do just like last time, you go to my car and wait for me there, then we can have lunch and after it, we can go to the shelter. I'm excited to see the cats.”

“Yugyeom texted me, there are new kittens that they rescued last week, such a shame that we couldn't be there to shoot it…” he thinks it would be nice for the short movie, and Jaebum would have a good time as well.

“Yugyeom texts you?” Jaebum's face isn't as happy as two seconds ago. Yugyeom is one of the volunteers they met working on their project, he is a super nice kid but for some reason Jaebum hates him, he is always looking at him with a grumpy face and it's stupid the boy is so nice, he is like an angel.

“Yeah? Sometimes he does, anyways go take your shower you're in need of it.” Youngjae wrinkles his nose. “I will take you to a Korean restaurant, my treat this time, obviously it won't be as fancy as you're used to but the food there it's delicious you will like it.”

“Whatever you say,” Jaebum hands his keys to Youngjae, he looks like he wants to say something but he doesn't. He is being weird today and he seems to be even more down now, it's making Youngjae worry. He goes to the locker room without saying another word.

Youngjae has been waiting for Jaebum for some time now, he saw Angela with her friends again, she sees him on her boyfriend's car again but this time she pretends she didn't. Huh. Jaebum took his time today, when he gets into the car he smells good and Youngjae tells him so, the boy smiles at him but it doesn't reach his eyes.

At the restaurant Jaebum is still looking blue and Youngjae doesn't like it, he doesn't like it at all, he wants to help Jaebum but he asked if the boy was okay and he said he was just a bit tired. Youngjae proposed going to the shelter by himself but Jaebum didn't accept he said it's their project and they should work together, he was too distressed for it to be the only reason.

“Youngjae you're here!” Yugyeom is running to him as soon as they get in the shelter, he touches Youngjae arm lightly, he is very touchy, “you need to see the new kittens, they are so tiny, I will teach you how to feed them. Oh, hey Jaebum how is it going?”

Youngjae has to spend time with the animals at the shelter and to understand how it’s their lives here and how it's the day as a volunteer working in a shelter for their report and for their presentation, so it is important that Yugyeom teaches him how to take care of the little kittens. Before Jaebum can say anything to Yugyeom, Bambam is walking into the room, he seems very excited too, “Hey Youngjae! JB! So nice that you guys are here, Jaebum my man, I have everything ready for you to shoot the cats and the place, you will love it since you like cats so much, you can give them some food so you will get them to like you and look nice on camera.” Bambam winks, god knows for what reason.

“But-- what about Youngjae? He--”

“It's fine, Jaebum. You go do your work and I'll check on the kittens with Yugyeom, don't worry about me.” He thinks it will ease Jaebum's troubled face but it doesn't. He was so happy to be coming here spend time with the cats but now he looks like he would give anything to go home, Youngjae is sorry for him but there's nothing he can do at this point.

So they work, they work a lot. Youngjae has fun with the kittens, they are the cutest thing ever but also has some scratches on his hands, turns out feeding little cats isn't easy nor is it painless. He almost doesn't see Jaebum and this time it's not like the others, he is happy to be here yeah but he is getting too tired too fast, he is not having that much fun and he keeps worrying about Jaebum. When they finally can go home, Youngjae almost cries, he really needs his bed.

“Thanks for the ride,” It's awkward again, Youngjae doesn't know why it's suddenly awkward between them after so long, after what happened last night. They didn't even talk at all on the way here. Youngjae wants to fix it but he doesn't know how.

“Is it okay if I spend the night again?” Jaebum's voice is small, like a kid that will be denied something they really want but tries anyway.

“Do you want to give ‘Please like me’ another try?” He tries joking even though he knows that’s not the reason, it never was.

“Maybe another time but tonight I really just want to spend the night, can I?” Jaebum isn't begging but the pleading in his voice is sad, he won't even look at Youngjae.

“Of course, but you spent the entire day with me, shouldn't you--”

Jaebum does look at Youngjae now and he is eyes are sad, “please, don't tell me that I should be with Angela. If you want me to go then tell me and I will go, but I really just want to stay here with you.”

Maybe Jaebum has a fight with someone, it might even be Angela. It might be the reason he is being so weird today since the conversation about what he wants to do with his life as a player he isn't talking much, maybe it's more than that but he can’t be sure, he can’t know.  Youngjae wants to ask but he won't, Jaebum obviously doesn't want to talk about it.

“I want you to stay, of course, I do. Let's go, yeah?” And it’s not a lie, he always wants to spend time with Jaebum.

They walk all the way up to Youngjae's room hand in hand, the girls aren't home they had a birthday party to go to. Jaebum looks so vulnerable Youngjae wants to wrap him on a blanket and feed him hot chocolate.

Jaebum and Youngjae lie on their sides looking at each other on the bed, they have already stripped from their clothes, Jaebum's is on his underwear again and Youngjae on sweatpants. “You know, I'll have a psychology degree soon so maybe you can use my ears and talk them off if you want already. It's not good to keep things inside.” Youngjae says softly. The only light in the room is coming from the moon, it's beautiful and peaceful and very blue in the room.

“I'm not very good at it, talking, I mean.”

“That's fine.” Youngjae wants to take all the sadness from Jaebum's chest, seeing the boy so down it's killing him. He spreads his hands at the middle of his chest, as if he could really do it, the contact seems to do wonder though.

“I-- I think Yugyeom likes you,” Jaebum says after a while, he has his eyes closed but Youngjae is still looking at him, watching the moonlight dancing on his face.

“No, he is just friendly, I'm pretty sure he likes Bambam. Also, he is a high school kid and I'm an adult I wouldn't even look his way.”

“Yeah, but seeing the way he looks at you…” Jaebum opens his eyes suddenly, Youngjae understands why he had them closed before, they tell too much, they are so sad and vulnerable they let you know exactly how Jaebum is feeling. “Are you seeing anyone else? Looking the way you do, being such a good company, I can't believe that people aren’t dying to be with you."

Youngjae wants to scream to Jaebum to leave because this isn't fair, Youngjae isn't seeing anyone else, no, Jaebum is the one who is seeing someone else, in fact, Youngjae is the person he is seeing and shouldn’t be. When the feeling for Jaebum was just a weird thing he tried going out with a guy from one of his classes but it sucked, he couldn’t even pay attention to the guy, all he could think about was Jaebum. It's like he doesn't have an option or a way out of this, even if things with Jaebum don’t work out he won't move on, because, for some reasons he can't, he just can't.

“This isn't fair of you, you know? You don't get to ask me stuff like that when-- when you have someone else.” Youngjae's voice breaks but he doesn't care, he is sad and it's dark, he feels like he can say anything right now.

“You’re right it's not fair.” Jaebum is fighting some tears that are threatening to fall, “I feel so lonely, Jae.” And then the tears finally do fall down his face, “I wish, sometimes I just wish I could be someone else, someone entirely different, I don't know.”

“Hey, you're not alone, hey Jaebum look at me, you have a lot of people on your life come on you have your family, your friends, your teammates, and you have me. You have me. I’m seeing you, only you.”

It makes Jaebum cry for real now, he is about to start sobbing on Youngjae's bed and the boy has no idea what he should do, “you wouldn't want to be with me at all if you knew me if you really knew me. I'm not a good person, I'm a coward and all I care about is my career, I'm so selfish with everyone that is at my side.”

Youngjae gets closer to Jaebum hugging him, trying to give him affection, “no, stop that, you are a good person, you're going through something difficult I'd guess but you're a good person, Jaebum. There's nothing wrong putting your interests first, it's your life you should be thinking about yourself first, you know that right?”

Jaebum is crying softly on his neck, his tears are tickling Youngjae but he has to endure it, not the best time to start giggling. “I wish I could tell you so much about… stuff. But I'm so ashamed of myself.”

“You can tell me anything, do it when you feel comfortable though, it's fine no need to rush into anything, I will be here when you ready.” Youngjae plays with the hair on the back of Jaebum's neck, while the older boy breathes him in, it feels nice, it feels so good. Youngjae wants to join him and cry too. “Let's no worry about anything right now. We should just sleep, we had a hard day, you worked a lot. Let's sleep. Tomorrow… you will spend the day here with me, it will be fine, you won't feel lonely, I will take care of you. It will be just fine.” Youngjae says turning Jaebum on his other side so Youngjae can cuddle him, no use pretending that this is not the way they were going to end up like.

Jaebum makes waffles on the morning for the four of them, the girls don’t even seem to mind or to be surprised that he spent the night again, they will ask a lot of questions later but for now, they don’t even make jokes. Jaebum and Youngjae spend the entire day on Youngjae’s bed watching ‘Doctor Who’ eating Doritos and drinking soda, Jaebum seems to be liking it better than the other show, he is paying attention, head resting on Youngjae’s chest while the younger boy plays with his hair.

“Don’t you think Rose is a little bit whiny sometimes? Not everything is about her,” he complains.

“What? I can’t believe what my ears are hearing, you don’t like Rose? Am I fooling around with a Rose Anti? No way, no.” Youngjae tries to get away from his hold dramatically.

Jaebum sighs, his arm holding Youngjae’s waist tighter, “I knew I should have kept my mouth shut. I like Rose just fine, I just think she is a bit annoying at times. And don’t say we are fooling around, we are doing more than this.”

“She is not annoying, you are annoying. There’s nothing wrong with Rose. The nerve you have to be talking about my favorite companion like this,”

“What do you mean favorite companion? Will he be getting another one, will he get fed up with her as well and ditch her?” He mocks.

Youngae thinks he is just teasing now, he is in a better mood today, maybe not his normal self but not as gloomy as yesterday, “oh, Jaebum you beautiful naive little angel, you don’t know about companions or regeneration or eras, I’m sorry I should probably explain it all to you but I won’t. When I watched it everything was a surprise to me, so it should be to you too. If you stick with me for long enough you will get to meet my other favorite, Clara Oswald, she is the love of my life.”

Jaebum smiles into his chest, Youngjae can feel it and it’s nice, “the love of your life you say?” He chuckles, “I will stick even if this show goes to shit you won’t get rid of me, it is the perfect excuse for me to cuddle you the entire day,”

“Let’s just watch it, be quiet now.” Youngjae can’t believe how easy is it for Jaebum to make him blush, Youngjae wants to know his powers, he kinda does already though.

They watch the entire first season and Jaebum is confused as hell by the ending of the last episode, they should watch the Christmas Special before watching the next season but Jaebum has to leave, he has to fix things up for his classes tomorrow and he should go running too, he was complaining that Youngjae makes him eat too much junk food and that his abs are suffering, it’s dumb and he wants Youngjae to go with him but Youngjae would rather stay here at bed doing nothing.

“I’d rather stay here with you too,” Jaebum says kissing at his cheeks and at his jawline, his lips getting dangerously close to Youngjae’s throat and he has to stop it.

“Yeah, but you can’t so just leave already, babe, go burn some calories so I can look at your hot body on the next practicing day.”

“So, will you come to watch me again?” Jaebum’s eyes are full with hope as if there’s any possibility of Youngjae not wanting to see him play.

“Stop annoying me and I will think about it, now go away I’m tired of your handsome face looking at me like that and your almost naked body on my bed, come on get up,” Jaebum laughs cutely at Youngjae, oh boy Youngjae is so gone on him, it’s pathetic.

  
  


*

  
  


“Guys, I- I want to say something,” they were having dinner together, Jackson was over and they were having a good time together. Youngjae was happy, the three people he loves the most all in one place together, it makes him feel warm. It also helps that he wants to talk with the three of them, and it’s easier doing it just once.

“Spill it,” Nayeon is stuffing her face with the pasta Momo cooked, it’s really delicious but there’s a lump on Youngjae’s stomach, he couldn’t enjoy it as much as he craved.

“I think, no, I’m sure of it, I-- I’m falling for Jaebum.” Silence, no one says anything, Jackson’s eyes look like they are going to jump right on the table.

“You what?” Jackson cries out finally.

“Well, it’s not like we didn’t see this one coming, is it? You spend every second of the day together and you guys fuck like rabbits so it would happen sooner or later.” Momo says, almost making both Jackson and Youngjae choke, she wasn’t supposed to know about the fucking, at least not that. She has her usual worried look in her eyes, but she isn’t freaking out, so it’s not so bad.

“They fuck like rabbits? Isn’t Jaebum a frat bro with heterosexuality running in his veins?”

“Oh, come on, Jackson. You’re so busy with your new boyfriends that you’ve lost a lot of things on our drama,” Youngjae tries to stop Nayeon, there’s no drama going on but she pays him no mind, “Jaebum likes Youngjae so he asked him to be his partner on whatever project they have going on, then he was sleeping over then they were fucking right at that room,” she points in the direction of Youngjae’s room, “and then Youngjae was leaving the house to watch him practice, he wouldn’t tell us but we knew. Then they were hanging out every day of the week, it’s ridiculous sometimes Jaebum will sleep over three days in a roll, how is Youngjae supposed to not fall for him when they act like that?”

Jackson is left open-mouthed staring at the three of them as if their life is really a drama that he hasn’t watched in three weeks and suddenly he doesn’t know what is going on anymore, “It’s not-- it’s not like that, Jacks. Jaebum does not like me, we don’t hang out every single day, he isn’t here right now, is he?” It hurts saying that Jaebum doesn’t like him, maybe he does, but not in the same way Youngjae likes him. Shame on Youngjae for his weak protests, the only reason Jaebum isn’t here is that it was supposed to be just the four of them, something about best friends’ night and whatnot. “Also… it’s not like that, ok? But I do like him, I like him a lot.”

“Does he like you back?” Jackson asks, he is still shocked, that much is obvious but he is trying to be supportive, Youngjae can appreciate it.

“Of course he doesn’t, he has a girlfriend we all know this,”

“Jae, we all also know that he doesn’t like her that he likes you, I already told you that he needs to figure himself out or something like that, but he is gay. It doesn’t matter though, you know what matters?” Nayeon narrows her eyes at him, but she doesn’t wait for a reply, she wasn’t going to get one anyways, “is that he still with her but is fucking you. How the hell are you letting he call the moves like that? I don’t want you to end up hurt.”

Momo is looking seriously at them, her glass of wine long forgotten, “this can’t be pleasant. Does he know about your feelings? You should just confess and get it over with.  You see maybe you like him a lot and don’t want to lose his… huh, friendship? But what good is it to you if it makes you miserable?”

“It doesn’t make me miserable, Momo!” His voice is indignant, he is not miserable he is doing fine. Sometimes he will cry? Yeah, sometimes he cries a lot because of his dumb heart, but he wouldn’t say he is miserable.

“She is right, baby otter. You shouldn’t be pining after a boy, if he doesn’t like you like him then he doesn’t like you and you move on, but you have to talk to him, this friendship with benefits isn’t more important than your well being. Also, it might be awkward after you confess but after a while, you will be over him and things can be normal again.”

It doesn’t matter what he says, they can’t understand that he won’t confess and that he won’t move on either, he likes Jaebum and he doesn’t want to lose the other boy. He just needed to tell them, he was suffocating with it and they are important to him, he doesn’t like keeping secrets from them, he likes to have them knowing everything that happens to him.

“Guys, let Jae be, he will do what he feels like doing anyway. Just-- I don’t want you to get hurt, Jae. You should be careful with your heart, Jaebum is cool and you two are pretty close, but as I said before I don’t think he is worth it.” Nayeon rests her head on his shoulder, and they are silent for a bit. It makes him feel guilty because for Youngjae the other boy is worth it, he is worth taking all risks, he is worth Youngjae crying because of a maybe-unrequited-love at night and his worth all the pining. Youngjae just wants to be with him, it doesn’t matter how, he just wants Jaebum in his life.

Youngjae can’t believe but he is actually at a frat party again, Jackson didn’t have to try to convince him, he didn’t have to do anything. Jaebum asked Youngjae said no. Jaebum said he wanted to spend time with Youngjae but that he couldn’t ditch a party of his own house, but he really really want to see you tonight, will you come, Jae? Please. So Youngjae said yes.

Jackson is here too somewhere, he is always in these things now because of his boyfriends, he was surprised when Youngjae said he would be coming too but then he wasn’t anymore, he just teased Youngjae for being so gone on Jaebum that he would put up with a bunch of drunk douches. Youngjae couldn’t even protest much since the other boy was right. The girls weren’t amused but they didn’t come with him, they didn’t want him to come and they wouldn’t sacrifice their Saturday night to accompany him.

“There you are, the only person I want to see in the entire world,” Jaebum says kissing him on the cheek, way closer to his lips than he should, they are in public. Youngjae has just got here but Jaebum has been drinking for some time already if his breath and his raspy voice is anything to go by. “You look good, fuck you look so good, Jae. Can’t wait to see what is under your clothes,”

Youngjae is blushing like a fourteen-year-old girl, he did put some effort tonight, so what? He knows Jaebum has a girlfriend and she is probably out here but he wanted to look good for the older boy. Youngjae is wearing black ripped skinny jeans and a black t-shirt, nothing much but he also put on a striped jacket, he even changed his earrings to a new set he got last month. The thing is that Momo curled his hair lightly, his hair is way too long so it’s falling over his face, he can’t see much like that but he knows, he just knows that he looks fucking good. Momo said so as well, and they way Jaebum is looking at him says a lot too.

“Let me get you something to drink, yeah? Loosen you up a bit,” then Jaebum is walking him to the big spacious kitchen. Jaebum starts mixing vodka and orange juice, way more vodka than juice. Youngjae drinks it making a face for Jaebum’s utter amusement.

“Dance with me?” Jaebum’s voice is low, his breath hot on Youngjae’s ear, he doesn’t wait for a reply, dragging Youngjae to the living room. Jaebum starts dancing slowly his body very close to Youngjae’s, the younger boy doesn’t know what to do, people can see them, is Jaebum aware that people can see them?

He tries telling the other boy so but he doesn’t seem to care, instead, he is getting closer, his hands on Youngjae’s hips so he can move them upon his own. “What are you trying to do to my head looking like that, Jae? You look like something out of heaven, like a wet dream, I want to--” Jaebum is humping his leg by this point and the things he is saying... Youngjae is about to get hard in a frat party dancing with the soccer captain who happens to have a girlfriend and who is not out for anyone. 

“Hey, hey, babe, what if we slow down things a little bit, huh? Let’s take a sit, I’m getting tired, yeah,” it doesn’t work, of course, it doesn’t.

“You’re not getting tired. We just got started come on, dance with me, Jae.” He is humping Youngjae’s leg with intent now like he’s really planning on getting off like that. Fuck Youngjae’s entire existence.

“Let’s get me another drink then, I’m thirsty,” Jaebum looks like he won’t let go but he does, his eyes are heated and dark, so very dark. He walks Youngjae to the kitchen again, Youngjae isn’t thirsty but he guesses he will drink a little more if it distracts Jaebum from wanting to dance again. Jaebum is half-hard on his light jeans, anyone can see it, God what even.

Youngjae is drinking his screwdriver slowly and Jaebum is staring at his throat while he does so, it’s distracting and a little embarrassing, “stop that, it’s rude staring like that!”

“Ah, but you’re so hot, I want to lick your throat while you drink it, can I?” Youngjae isn’t sure if he should cry or laugh, Jaebum’s obviously drunk already, what kind of things are even coming out of his mouth, really. Of course, Youngjae wants him to lick his throat, hell he wants Jaebum to lick his entire body but he can’t say that right now.

Before he can answer though, there’s a small body in front of them, Angela is dressed in a short, very short black dress and she is trying to get between them so she can fit between Jaebum’s legs. “I always have to remind you that we are supposed to be couple-ish in these parties, if you want to screw your boyfriend do it later,” Angela is saying and it’s making Youngjae incredibly confused before he can ask what she is talking about, the blonde is kissing Jaebum, she is kissing him deeply right in front of Youngjae, hell he is a few inches from them and they are making out.

Youngjae can feel his eyes filling with tears, he is going to get sick, he has to leave, he has to go now. He shouldn’t have come, he can feel panic rising in his stomach, he has to--

“Youngjae, talk to me, listen it’s not--” but Youngjae can’t hear Jaebum’s voice, all he can hear is the blood running to his face, he feels like he is going to explode in tears here in front of everyone, in front of stupid Angela. He tries to get away but there are strong hands grabbing at his arms.

“Let me go-- don’t fucking touch me,” Youngjae knows he is overreacting, Jaebum is Angela’s, he is hers, they are together and of course they kiss, but for some reason he thought things weren’t   that between them, at least not with everything that was going on between him and Jaebum. Of course, they are always together and they have sex and-- Youngjae can’t think about it now so he just walks out the door. He can hear Jaebum calling for his name but he doesn’t care, he shouldn’t have come, he is an idiot, Momo was right being in love with your friend who you fuck despite having a girlfriend it’s stupid.

Youngjae walks all the way home, he gets there quickly, he has to walk a lot and it’s a bit cold but he can’t feel it, all the can feel is the tears rolling down his face. He must look pathetic right now, crying over the fact that his not more than a friend has a girlfriend and kisses her, stupid.

He enters the apartment and Nayeon is sitting by herself on the couch, she looks upset too but the moment she sees him she is up in a second, “what-- what, Jae! What did that dickhead do to you? I’m going to fucking kill him, you’re crying--”

He hugs her, he doesn’t want to talk, he is sobbing on her shoulder, hugging her too tightly to be comfortable to either of them. “Where’s Momo?”

“It doesn’t matter now, what happened to you, baby otter? I can’t-” And then Nayeon is crying too, Youngjae wants to laugh at it, Nayeon is a crier when they were kids she couldn’t see him crying because she would cry too and then their parents would have two noisy screaming kids crying non-stop. He thought she had grown out of it, but obviously, she didn’t.

“God, don’t cry you too, why are you even crying?”

“Because it hurts me,” she sobs, “seeing you cry and I don’t even know why I can’t do anything.” It’s like she is the sad one and Youngjae is trying to cheer her up.

“Yeonnie, don’t cry. Don’t cry, it’s fine… it’s just I’m dumb. You were right, he is not worth it, he is not… he made out with her right on my face,” he is not crying as hard as before but he can barely speak, there’s a lump on this throat, he doesn’t want to speak about it anymore he doesn’t want to remember.

“He did what? Fucker, oh my God, what a  douche, I will fucking kill. He doesn’t deserve you. If he can’t, if he can’t act like a man… then he can keep living his stupid ass life, we don’t need him here.” They are tangled together lying on the couch, Nayeon’s head on his chest, he is glad she is here, he is grateful he has her in his life. They stay in silence till the tears stop falling, it’s quiet and it’s okay they don’t have to talk about it anymore, Youngjae will fix it, he will fix his heart later.

“Where’s Momo, really, when I left she was here-”

“We had a fight, she is going to Japan next summer, her entire family is going so they can visit her grandparents… and she wants me to go with them,” she looks upset again but the crying is gone.

“Ok, what’s the problem?”

“Jae, how do you think a couple of ninety years old will react to their granddaughter’s lesbian girlfriend? Why Momo wants to go through it is beyond me, it’s dumb really, I’m not going.” Momo says like it’s final, but Youngjae knows it’s not, she is probably just angry still.

“You think she didn’t think about it? You two are inseparable, she doesn’t want to be apart from you the entire summer and since you’re a big part of her life she probably wants you to be really in it, y’know? Like being part of her family, being a granddaughter to her grandparents too, of course, it might be hard for you, but won’t it be harder for her? Maybe she just needs you there…”

“Choi Youngjae,” Nayeon looks at him with an annoyed face, “why are you so smart, and why are you so good with relationships when you haven’t dated anyone? Oh-- sorry. Anyways, I’m supposed to be the one taking care of your heart, not the other around.”

He pats her head, “It’s fine, Yeonnie, you should think about it, I will miss you if you go but I will be happy for you two, this is important,”

“Your problems are important too… I really hope that demon Jaebum drinks so much that he can’t even open his eyes tomorrow morning and that he pukes for two days straight,” it makes Youngjae laughs hard, he still has a lump on his throat and he knows he will cry a lot before being able to sleep but he feels a little bit better just to be with his best friend. He feels like he isn’t all alone.

  
  


*

  
  
  


Youngjae cries the entire day on Sunday, Jackson comes over and Momo is back too, they try to cheer him up but all he can feel is self-pity. He feels so dumb, he knew that it would happen, he knew it so he doesn’t know why he feels so hurt by it. He and Jaebum have gotten extremely close in the last two months, more than close. They visited a lot of shelters together, they hanged almost every day, Youngjae would watch him practice at least twice a week, and Nayeon wasn’t lying Jaebum would spend the night a lot at their place, also yeah they would fuck a lot, they wouldn’t ever talk about it afterward but still they would always end up onto each other’s arms.

They’ve got to be really close friends now and Youngjae misses him, he misses waking up to Jaebum’s smile and raspy voice, he misses his texts and his calls, he hates how much he can miss Jaebum in just two days. He turned his phone off so Jaebum won’t be able to talk to him at all, he doesn’t trust himself to not pick it up if the other guy calls.

Monday he skips classes, he knows he can’t stay at home forever but he is not ready to see Jaebum just yet, he cries the entire day too, he feels silly but no one has ever broken his heart before, he didn’t even know it would hurt this bad. He goes to class on Tuesday but he doesn’t want to go have lunch with Jackson, he doesn’t want to risk Jaebum showing up, Jackson reassures it’s alright because it will be just the two of them, Mark and Jinyoung won’t be showing up either.

The week goes by like that, he wakes up, goes to class, has lunch with Jackson, watches more classes, goes home, pretends to watch TV for twenty minutes with Momo and Nayeon and then goes back to his room and cries himself to sleep. Youngjae has never been a crier, Nayeon was a crier he was not, but this week he had cried a lot, he feels broken, as if someone, Jaebum, played with him like he was a toy and then left him behind when they got bored of it.

Youngjae can’t run from it anymore, he has to attend class on Friday, he does but he is late as usual, he cried too much last night, his eyes are swollen and his face is puffy, he didn’t get much sleep. He tries to not disturb the class too much so he sits at a corner on the back, Youngjae hasn’t been here for a whole minute yet and someone is already sitting beside him.

He can’t believe it Jaebum got up from the place he was sitting at so he could sit beside Youngjae, this is ridiculous the class has already started and he is disturbing it. Youngjae looks at him, Jaebum has a black eye and he looks very tired, but he doesn’t care, he looks ahead and tries to forget all about Jaebum, of course, he doesn’t succeed. He wants to cry, seeing Jaebum again hurts, seeing his face it’s so much, Youngjae doesn’t want to see him ever again. He shouldn’t have to deal with it right now.

They have visited a lot of shelters and all the shooting is already done, they just have to finish the project before their presentation but they still have some time for that so hopefully, they won’t have to speak in the near future. The class is over way too fast, it was torturous sitting so close to Jaebum for more than an hour but now that it’s over Youngjae wants it to start again so Jaebum won’t be able to speak to him, but he isn’t so lucky.

“We need to talk.” Jaebum whispers, Youngjae pretends he didn’t hear it and starts packing his things. He can hear Jaebum sighing but he doesn’t care. Youngjae just walks out of the room, Jaebum following him close behind all the way out of the building, how is he supposed to ignore that?

“We have nothing to talk about, can you please be nice enough and fuck off?” Youngjae doesn’t turn around he says it just loudly enough so the other boy will be able to hear him.

“Come on, please, Jae. I have to talk to you, please don’t be like that. I tried calling, I tried texting, I even went to your apartment but Nayeon told me to fuck off too.”

Youngjae does turn around now so he can look at Jaebum’s sorry face, “and yet you’re still here… what don’t you get? I don’t want to talk to you! Unless it’s about our project don’t try talking to me again.”

“Please, Jae. I didn’t mean--” Jaebum is standing close to him as if he has the right to do so when he doesn’t.

“You didn’t mean what? Didn’t mean to lead me on? Fuck you, Im Jaebum, because you did, you so did, every second we ever spend together you were leading me on. You had the nerve to tell me you wanted to be together because you did that, you know you did, right?” Youngjae is trying not to be loud, he hates Jaebum right now but he doesn’t want to out the other guy, he wouldn’t do that to anyone.

“And what was that with all the staring even before that goddamn party Jackson got me to go? You kept looking at me as if you wanted something to do with me and then everything else, taking me to dates that weren’t really dates, sleeping at my place almost every day of the week, calling me every night you couldn’t come over, what the hell is wrong with you? Maybe I shouldn’t let you do it but I was just being an idiot, you were the one being malicious, you knew exactly what you were doing but you didn’t care, you just wanted to play with me, well you did but I’m not up to it anymore, find someone else to play with.”

Jaebum looks like he is about to start crying, Youngjae is already crying, god he needs to stop crying over Jaebum is getting embarrassing. Jaebum doesn’t say anything doesn’t try to defend himself and Youngjae thinks that that’s it, he should just leave, this is over, Jaebum isn’t worth the trouble. He turns around so he can leave, but Jaebum is in front of him again in a second.

“Please, I beg you to come with me, hear me out, please, Jae. After you hear what I have to say you can hit me too if you want, you can walk away I won’t try reaching out anymore, but please listen to me, please.” Jaebum looks vulnerable, the tears never fall but he looks so hurt, it shouldn’t matter to Youngjae, it shouldn’t he have suffered way more than Jaebum had he knows it, it shouldn’t and it doesn’t, but he needs some closure, maybe he will get it and he will be able to move on, finally.

“Whatever.” Jaebum doesn’t look relieved by it though, he still looks pained, he walks Youngjae to his car, they don’t do or say anything. Youngjae stares out the window thinking about the mess that is his life right now all thanks to his dumb decisions and to dumb Im Jaebum. His chest hurt so bad, he has never felt something quite like that, he wants to rip out his heart so he doesn’t have to feel anything for Jaebum or for anyone else ever again.

They are back at Jaebum’s house, and it’s huge, Youngjae has never been here when it was still day, it looks even bigger and wrong, he shouldn’t be here. They leave the car and walk into the house, there are some boys in the living room and they try talking to Jaebum but the boy only replies with a Not now, and they go up the stairs.

Jaebum’s room isn’t spacious, it’s small but he doesn’t share it, just one bed in the room, so Youngjae guesses it has its perks. “Say whatever you want to say so I can leave already, I don’t like being here.”

Jaebum sits at his bed and motions for Youngjae to sit as well, he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to sit at Jaebum’s bed so he sits at his chair, he doesn’t want to have this conversation standing up either. None of them say anything for five minutes or so, Youngjae will leave in a second if Jaebum doesn’t say anything, and he doesn’t for another two minutes, Youngjae is getting fed up with it so he says so.

“Sorry, I’m trying-- I just-- I don’t know where I should start… this is hard for me, Jae.” Jaebum is looking down at his hands.

“I don’t care if it’s hard for you or not, say what you want to say already or I’m leaving and just so you know I won’t be coming back this time.” His voice is harsh, he knows that but he doesn’t care about Jaebum’s feelings right now.

“Don’t-- I will say it, I just… Okay, I should,” Jaebum looks at him, but only for a second then he is looking at his hands again, “I’m gay.”

“Congratulations, so am I. But none of it it’s news for any of us. Can I leave now?”

“Ok, I want to do this, I’m trying but don’t interrupt me or I won’t be able to finish it.” Youngjae nods but Jaebum isn’t looking so he just stays quiet so the boy will know that he won’t stop him again. “I’m gay and my entire family knows it, my friends-- well Mark and Jinyoung they know that too because I came out to them when were younger. People know but… my father didn’t think it was a good idea letting everyone else know about it though.”

Youngjae doesn’t understand it and it shows on his face, Jaebum looks at him a look of shame on his own face, “soccer it isn’t a very gay-friendly sport, my father thought that if people knew I wouldn’t be able to get a scholarship or to sign with a big team, also it wouldn’t be safe for me. Even if I made it into the college team it would be dangerous, you know. I wasn’t happy with that but I wanted to play so I thought I could keep it as a secret for some time but… I hooked up with a boy last year and well he talked about it to his friends and people started talking, it was a mess with the team, some boys would mock me and…”

Jaebum is crying now, Youngjae wants to hug him, he wants to tell him that he can stop that he doesn’t have to say anything else but he continues. “A boy from the team he beat me up, he graduated already so I don’t… he is not a problem anymore but it was tough. I met Angela right after it, she knew about the rumors so she offered to date me... like because it would be beneficial for both of us.” Jaebum is crying while he speaks and it’s just too much, Youngjae sits beside him so he can hug Jaebum.

“Hey, it’s okay, we don’t have to talk about this if you don’t feel comfortable, I’m sorry, we don’t-” he   feels regret, he was the one who said Jaebum could take his time to tell him whatever was bothering him, but now he all but forced it out of the boy.

“No, I want to, I want you to know everything, sorry it’s just I don’t like remembering these things,” Youngjae wants to reassure him that it’s fine, but Jaebum won’t listen to him, “Angela said we could fake date for some time, her public image is kinda important being a cheerleader and shit so I accepted it would be good for us, so I thought why not?”

“Everything was going fine, I didn’t mind hanging out with her so people would see us and she could take selfies together, I didn’t care but then… then you. I saw you with Momo, and I-- I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to look at you I wasn’t going to make a move, I wanted to watch from afar.”

Jaebum isn’t crying as hard anymore, they are not hugging they are just sitting together, Youngjae is drying his tears from his face, he hates seeing how Jaebum looks right now. “But you were just so stunning, every time I looked at you I felt alive, and when you’d leave my heart… it would break every damn time. It hurt, you know? Not being able to be with you and I didn’t even know you, yet you were in mind all the time. When I saw you here at my house at that party I felt my entire body shaking, I wanted to-- I couldn’t just ignore it anymore, I wanted to be with you even though I knew it wouldn’t work. Don’t you feel like that too, Jae? Like we should be together? As if we are meant to be with each other?”

Jaebum puts his arm hand over Youngjae’s heart, it’s beating so fast he knows it is. “Yeah… what is it? What is it, Jaebum? It hurts me too--”

“Are you disgusted with me? Because of the whole Angela thing? Because of the way I handled things?” Youngjae kisses his damp cheeks, repeatedly till there are no more tears to kiss.

“Stop, don’t say things like that I wouldn’t ever be disgusted with you, I wouldn’t. I’m sorry for the things I said, I was so insensitive… I’m sorry, yeah?” He is talking to Jaebum but he still is dropping little kisses all over his face, they make Jaebum smile even if it’s not big its still something. “I’m sorry for the way things happened to you, I’m sorry that you had to go through it… I’m sorry that- I get it when you said you felt lonely, I’m sorry that you didn’t have anyone to be with.”

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault, and you’re here now. You’re here now, right? Is it too pretentious of me if I ask you if you want to be with me now?” Jaebum’s face is all red, Youngjae doesn’t know if it’s because of the tears or if he is blushing, maybe it’s both.

“I would be disappointed if you didn’t ask. That’s what I want the most, to be with you, y’know?” Youngjae whispers to Jaebum, the older boy’s eyes getting darker by the second.

“Yeah?” Jaebum kisses the corner of his mouth, then kisses at the other corner, the next kiss is a peck on his lips and Youngjae feels like his body is burning. “It’s that alright?”

Youngjae nods and then Jaebum is kissing him with intent, their lips moving roughly together, Jaebum’s lips are so warm against his own. It’s nothing like Youngjae imagined, kissing him without doubts that they are allowed to do that, it’s much more, he kisses Youngjae like he is thirsty. The way their lips are moving with so much force and passion they will be bruised but Youngjae doesn’t care.

Jaebum is biting at his lips, shoving his tongue deep into Youngjae’s mouth and the boy can’t breathe but it’s okay, he wants it, he wants to be Jaebum’s. That’s what he has been longing for months now.

Youngjae pulls at Jaebum’s hair harshly so he can expose his neck to him, Youngjae kisses and bites at it leaving his marks all over Jaebum, they are making out heavily on Jaebum’s bed now, Youngjae is straddling Jaebum’s thigh and kissing all of his torso, their shirts long gone.

“You look so good like that, babe, you know that, right? So beautiful, every part of you, so beautiful…” Youngjae is caressing Jaebum’s body, letting his nails scrape at it lightly, “I’ve wanted you to be mine for so long. Sometimes you were all I could think about… there’s no one else for me, just you, my angel, just you.” Youngjae places a kiss right at Jaebum’s right nipple. “Don’t you want it, Jaebum? Do you want to be with me?”

“Yes, please-- please, Jae, please.” Youngjae kisses Jaebum hard again, he wants it too, he’s been repressing his feelings for too long. All he wants now it’s to be with him, to feel him, to feel them as one again.

He kisses Jaebum as if trying to let the boy understands exactly what he can’t say to him just yet, sucking at his bottom lip and biting at it, he looks down and his lips look ruined, Jaebum looks ruined under him and it’s the prettiest thing Youngjae has ever seen.

“Can I fuck you, Jaebum?” Youngjae whispers into Jaebum’s ear, biting at his earlobe hard, Jaebum moaning loudly under him.

“Yeah, please, fuck I have-” Then Jaebum is taking a half-full bottle of lube from under his pillows, “You don’t need to be gentle with me, yeah? Be harsh, I want to feel it all,”

God this is too hot, Youngjae doesn’t think he can wait anymore, he kisses at Jaebum’s stomach, leaving marks there as well. “No condom, babe?” Youngjae is breathing hard, his dick painfully hard already, he wants to get inside Jaebum, he wants to feel his hot skin around him. He needs it.

“No, we don’t need it… also, I don’t have any and I need you inside me now.” Jaebum is panting, his voice low and raspy, Youngjae is about to lose his goddamn mind. He frees both of them from their pants and briefs in just one go.

Youngjae almost passes out looking at the boy, Jaebum under his body, eyes staring at Youngjae with so much heat in them they could probably burn down the entire house. So he kisses him one last time, he is addicted to Jaebum’s taste, he just tastes so good, he smells so good, he’s perfect.

“Come on, Jae. Hurry up, please,” Jaebum cries between kisses, and Youngjae can’t deny him anymore, he lubes two of his fingers up and let them fall between Jaebum’s legs. He massages Jaebum’s entrance for a couple of minutes till Jaebum is complaining again, begging him to just get them in.

Youngjae does, he enters Jaebum with both of his fingers at once, he does it slowly not wanting to hurt the other boy even though he asked it to be harsh, he will be harsh, yeah but he won’t hurt Jaebum. He starts fingering Jaebum slowly, the boy has his eyes closed under him, his breath heavy, it’s too much, too hot. Youngjae leans in giving the tip of Jaebum’s cock a light kiss, just where the boy is dripping with precum. Jaebum cries out, not expecting for it, it’s beautiful, way too beautiful, Youngjae wants to hear it forever.

“It’s alright, you can fuck me already, Jae… please, fuck me already, yeah?”

“I don’t want to--”

“You won’t hurt me, come on I want it like that,” Jaebum then smears Youngjae’s dick with lube, and Youngjae almost comes from the touch alone, moaning louder than he should. Jaebum’s fingers aren’t as long as his, but his hand is large and strong, just so so soft, it makes Youngjae’s eyes roll. “You’re so beautiful, Jae. Gonna fill me up real good, yeah?”

Jaebum is demonic, he wants to kill Youngjae before he can even enter the other boy, that’s what he wants, fuck, Youngjae needs to enter him already, “okay, yeah… yeah, baby, gonna fill you, let me just,” Youngjae gets his dick on his own hand so he can stroke himself lightly a couple of times before placing himself right at Jaebum’s hole.

“Tell me if I hurt you, okay?” Jaebum nods at him, and then Youngjae lets the head of his dick play a little with Jaebum’s hole, he isn’t too stretched just yet but Jaebum is too impatient under him, “okay, no need to be whiny, baby, I’m going to--” and then Youngjae lets the head in.

It’s too much, he feels like he is going to come already, Jaebum is too tight and too hot, just so damn hot, his walls swallowing him sucking him in, “fuck, fuck, baby, just let me-- fuck, holy shit” Youngjae goes a few more inches in, he can’t bottom out yet, Jaebum is way too tight for it but fuck if this is not one of the hardest things Youngjae has ever done, all he wants is move.

“Relax for me, babe. I got you, relax for me, yeah?” Youngjae says leaning down so he can place a kiss on Jaebum’s lips, the movement makes his dick slide a bit more inside and Jaebum lets out a silent moan, tears rolling down from the corner of his eyes.

“I can take it, please, please, please I can take it,” before Jaebum can finish his pleadings Youngjae is bottoming out. He feels his entire body in flames. Jaebum is clenching around him, and Youngjae wants to cry too, it’s too good, not even in his better dreams he could have imagined something like that.

Youngjae waits for a bit so he can move, Jaebum is begging, promising him that it’s alright that he can move that he is ready for it. So Youngjae rolls his hips experimentally and they groan together, Jaebum is still too tight and there’s nothing separating them. Youngjae kisses his tears and rolls his hips again, slowly so.

“Won’t you fuck me properly?” Jaebum asks after a while, his voice raspy and so hot.

“Y’know, Nayeon said the reason you kept staring at me was that you wanted me to fuck you hard and good, it’s that right? It’s that what you want, babe?”

“I-- yeah, please,” Jaebum’s face is burning, Youngjae didn’t know he had so much blood left on him to fill his face and let it so red but apparently he does and it’s beautiful. It’s mesmerizing.  

“You’re so beautiful, I’m so lucky to get to see you like that. Just me, yeah?” Youngjae doesn’t wait for an answer, he rocks his hips hard against Jaebum’s, not letting the other boy even breathe with the force of it. He is fucking into Jaebum slowly but so damn hard, he has never fucked anyone or even Jaebum this hard before, but he also has never felt so hot like this, he never felt like he was about to lose his mind just by being inside someone.

He feels like life finally makes sense, like every step he took was so he could be here with Jaebum so he could have him all to himself. “Please, I--”

Jaebum doesn’t have to say anything more, Youngjae places both of the boy’s legs over his shoulders sitting up on his knees so he can go deeper into Jaebum and have some leverage over him, he fucks into Jaebum hard, finding a good pace so he can go faster, hitting Jaebum’s prostate with every thrust.

Jaebum is a mess under him, his hands hovering all over Youngjae, his nails scratching all over his back, he can’t stop moaning Youngjae’s name, he can’t form other words either as if he can’t think right now, all he can do is cry and beg, trying to move his hips as well but failing at it.

“You’re so good for me, babe, such a good boy moaning needily for me, so good for me. Will you come for me, babe?” Youngjae is getting a bit tired and he can feel the heat boiling on his lower stomach, he will come soon and he needs Jaebum to come too.

Jaebum is nodding his head fast, his eyes shut tightly, mouth open while he tries to catch his breath, “Please,”

Youngjae starts jerking Jaebum’s cock, wetting his entire length with precum, he jerks Jaebum at the same peace he fucks into him, not even two minutes later Jaebum is opening his mouth wider and moaning Youngjae’s name. Youngjae knows he won’t last much more either, his thrust losing their rhythm fucking into Jaebum sloppily, his pace a mess, Jaebum clenching becoming impossibly tight around him, “Come inside me, Jae. Come on, do it,”

Youngjae can’t hold it anymore, he comes in Jaebum, fucking harshly into him still, his thrusts uncoordinated, his cum making it even more sloppy. It’s too much, Youngjae feels like he will pass out, the pleasure too much for his body, he slows down until he stops completely, leaning down again so he can kiss Jaebum while he gets off of the other boy, kissing his moans, swallowing them.

“It’s okay, I’m right here, babe.” Youngjae can’t stop kissing Jaebum, he feels like it will never be enough, he won’t ever get tired of the other boy’s taste.

After while they are just lying together, Youngjae kissing every part of Jaebum’s face. He feels so at peace like that’s exactly where he is supposed to be, “Thanks for telling me, you didn’t have to-”

“Yes, I did. I couldn’t risk losing you and it’s good telling someone, you know? Mark and Jinyoung they don’t like it, but they also don’t get it, they can date whoever they want and still be part of a frat house, I-- I can’t even hook up with a boy without being beaten up for my own teammate,” Jaebum looks like he is about to start crying again and Youngjae won’t have it. He kisses the frown between his eyebrows.

“No, it’s fine now. You don’t have to think about it, not now, yeah? It’s just the two of us here now,” he kisses Jaebum again. It’s so good kissing Jaebum, knowing that he gets to do it, that he gets to kiss Jaebum as much as he wants to, that he gets Jaebum all to himself.

“I actually do, I talked with my parents, I’m going to come out, the team can’t expel me for being gay that’s wouldn’t look good for them and whatever else happens, well I’ll deal with it, I can’t spend the rest of my life hiding.”

Youngjae is thoughtful for a moment, he knows what someone else would say, that Jaebum shouldn’t risk his plans for him, but that’s much more than it. “You know, hiding is not good indeed, I wouldn’t want you to do that just so we could be together. We gonna be together either way,” he places a kiss on Jaebum’s knuckles, “but being yourself is very important too. If you feel safe then do it, then I think it’s something you should definitely do.”

Jaebum smiles, he already looks more confident than before which is exactly what Youngjae hopes will happen when he doesn’t have to hide anymore. “Yeah, and we gonna be happy together. Things will work themselves out.” His smile so big it takes all of Youngjae’s breath away. “Will you stay here for the night?” Jaebum has half of his body pinning Youngjae to the bed now.

“Wouldn’t it be better if we went back to my place? We would feel more comfortable there, there are too many people here...” Youngjae can’t take his eyes off of Jaebum’s ones, they look so clear now, so happy, so different from when they first got here.

“Do you want me to go back there, after… after everything?”

“What do you mean after everything? Don’t be stupid it wasn’t your fault, the bullshit you had to go through it wasn’t your fault, of course, I want you there, I want you with me all the time now, isn’t it obvious? Come on, we are together now, aren’t we? I’m here for the whole package, Jaebum.” He says reassuringly.

Jaebum looks even happier than before, Youngjae didn’t even know that that was possible, “Yeah,” he kisses on Youngjae’s cheek, then at his jawline, “we are together now. You’re my man and I’m yours now.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> \- this fic is something i gave up on last year, i found it on my drafts and decided to rewrite it... i think it's a little sloppy but i really can't read it again, i might fix things in january maybe?? rn im sick of it  
> \- i hope u enjoyed sorry if the ending feels rushed but it felt right to me to finish like that, they are together so isn't an open ending, i think thats enough lol  
> \- anyways this story is for everyone whom has been reading my stuff, a 'thank u', thanks thanks <3  
> ohhh btw im twitter is @yjakgae come tell me nice things


End file.
